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Editorial: Marriage Means Rights--and Responsibilities By Olin Thomas, Executive Director Same-sex marriage is the hottest political and religious topic of the year, perhaps of the decade. There are many determined to prevent it from happening, mostly conservative Christian groups, Catholics, and Mormons. The gay and lesbian community and some of their supporters have waged an incredible campaign of civil disobedience and legal maneuvering to make same-sex marriages a reality. Because I see definite signs that much of the opposition to same-sex marriage is in reality opposition to all things homosexual, I have viscerally reacted with outrage at those who would keep me a second-class citizen. Though some feel the time is not right for its acceptance, few gays or lesbians believe that we don't deserve at least the choice of marrying. But some of the most vocal advocates of same-sex marriage are so wrapped up in principle that they haven't considered the practical angles. What happens if we win this fight? What happens to the gay community if we do gain the right to marry? Much has been made of the gay communities' many peaceful ways to arrange relationships. It appears that over half of gay male relationships, at least, are "open" relationships to some degree. However, adultery is grounds for divorce under current laws, even if there is an "agreement." With divorce comes the splitting of property and the possibility of alimony (or would that be palimony?). Child custody battles unimaginable a few years ago could occur. What if a man brings his biological children into a same-sex marriage, which ends in a divorce due to his outside affairs, causing the courts to grant custody to the partner because the original father was an unfit parent? Some gays who do not wish to marry assume these issues won't affect them. Think again: many states have common-law marriage statutes. It would not take long for an enterprising lawyer to apply these to a same-sex relationship. Don't forget, too, that a married partner is responsible for their spouse's debts, including unpaid taxes. If a relationship goes sour, one partner can run up the credit card bills and leave town. Personally, I believe firmly that marriage rights should be granted to gays and lesbians. Yes, we want the rights that come with marriage, but the gay community must be ready to accept the responsibilities too. Or do we want to create a totally different relationship model more suited to our own reality? A recent email to the executive committee from a non-supporter asked if Affirmation thought the gay community was ready to "stand shoulder to shoulder" with the heterosexual world and live up to the same standards. Part of my answer was that we have adopted different standards. The other part of my answer asked what part of the heterosexual community he wanted to compare us to. Are we trying for temple marriage or Las Vegas drive-through chapels? Whatever happens, I can only say: tighten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy ride.  For many years, Affirmation members and their partners have been reaffirming their love and commitment by celebrating weddings and same-sex unions. These are some of the couples featured at <www.affirmation.org/ssu>.
Many Organizations Fight for Marriage Equality Do you want to get "anxiously engaged in a good cause" (D&C 58:27)? Would you like to help advance marriage equality? Consider supporting some of the following organizations: National:
Forty-three states have grassroots organizations that support marriage equality. See the whole list at <http://www.loveisloveislove.com/ state_organizations.htm>. Utah:
Organization that Fight against Marriage Equality The following Mormon-related organizations promote anti-gay speech and oppose marriage equality. You may want to remember them--or rather, forget them!--the next time you write a donation check: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Brigham Young University, Deseret Books, KBYU, Meridian Magazine.
The end is near! September 15 is the deadline for conference registration with guaranteed meals and separate special events registration. Our annual family reunion, held this year in fabulous San Francisco, promises to be a truly memorable event. If you already registered, you will soon receive by mail a registration confirmation letter and additional conference information, including information on Bay Area airports and directions to get to the hotel. For a fully illustrated version of this update, go to www.affirmation.org/conference. Representatives from each Affirmation chapter or region, as well as Affirmation national leaders, are highly encouraged to attend the business meeting to be held October 7 from 2:00-4:00 pm. If you are an Affirmation leader and are flying in on Friday, please schedule an early flight so that you can attend this meeting. Flying to the Bay Area for the Conference Flying to the Bay Area for the Affirmation Conference doesn't have to be expensive. If you're flying from the West, Southwest and Delta are two of the airlines offering inexpensive tickets. Southwest offers its air fare specials Tuesdays through Thursdays. It is often cheaper to make the reservations online rather than calling in. At orbitz.com, travelocity.com, and hotwire.com you can find specials offered by many different airlines. As you schedule your flight, don't forget that both Oakland International (OAK) and San Francisco International (SFO) are both excellent choices, as the hotel is equidistant from both airports.  Affirmation: Gay and Lesbian Mormons P.O. Box 46022 Los Angeles, CA 90046 National Phone Line: (323) 255-7251 To see a directory of current Affirmation chapters, visit www.affirmation.org/chapters Executive Director: Olin Thomas AFFIRMATION GAY & LESBIAN MORMONS is a non-profit support group serving
Gay and Lesbian Mormons, their families and friends since 1977. AFFINITY
is the official publication of the Affirmation National Executive Committee.
About AFFINITY and E-AFFINITY AFFINITY is available both as an email text and as a web-based document. Although both versions are free of charge, we encourage you to become a dues-paying member and thus help us advance Affirmation's important mission. If you wish to receive a text version of AFFINITY by email, simply
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