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God Loves Us and Blesses Us
By Daniel Collino, from Argentina This is the seventh in a series of articles showcasing the international face of Affirmation. I was asked to talk about my experiences as a gay LDS returned missionary, and I didn’t know where to start, so I guess I’ll start at the beginning. I joined the Church at age 15. I was very excited about advancing in the Church, and from that early age I prepared myself to go on a mission. Shortly after turning 19, I was called to serve in the Argentina Bahía Blanca Mission. I showed good leadership skills, and shortly after beginning my mission I was assigned to be a district leader. My promotions came to an end, however, when I got romantically involved with one of my mission companions. My companion made a confession to the mission president, and I was nearly sent back home. However, my mission president told me that he believed I could “change my tendencies” and I was allowed to finish my mission honorably—with no leadership positions, however, since my being gay excluded me from that privilege. For the remainder of my mission I hid my feelings, was “good,” and thus finished my mission honorably. I returned home and served in several church callings. I felt ashamed about what only I knew was happening to me, but an inner willpower pushed me to stay involved in the church, and that was too strong to resist. I served in several leadership positions and got sealed to my parents in the temple, which I believe are things I needed to do before my inevitable excommunication. One particular year, a group of gay youth got baptized in my ward. I was longing for their friendship and ended up hooking up with one of them. There was at that time a woman in my ward who was in love with me and was literally throwing herself into my arms trying to conquer me. I had a talk with her, and she understood why I was rejecting her. In order to “help” me, she talked with my bishop, my bishop talked with his wife, the wife with a friend, and the story about me being gay ended up as the ward’s best-known secret. Confronted with the fact that my mom was going to find out anyway, I had a talk with her and told her about my sexual orientation. She didn’t take it too well, but did offer all her love and support. Shortly after that, I was summoned to a stake court and, to make a long story short, they excommunicated me. After that storm I continued attending church. Some members who are more interested in other people’s lives than in their own were trying to give me advice. Because of my personality, I put up with it and listened politely. Years have passed, and I am no longer a novelty—just a “lost sheep.” Fortunately, the ward members no longer try to give me advice on how to live my life. I am currently the pianist in the branch I attend. When I was first excommunicated, I was not allowed near the piano, but things are now more relaxed. I attend Institute classes and single adult conferences. I am now 41 years old, and I continue attending church. I think I earned a place there and the respect of the members, who even let me participate and express my opinion during the lessons. They no longer ask me why I’m not married, nor do they harp on the importance of temple marriage. It seems that the longer they see my integrity as an individual, the more they respect and love me. Although I am still working at reconciling my faith and my sexual orientation, I think such reconciliation is possible—we just need to know what we want. God loves us and blesses us. We are his children. On judgment day, it is not our sexual orientation that will be placed on the scale, but our integrity, honesty and goodness to others. If this story helps brothers and sisters who feel guilty for simply loving in a different way, that will be a good ending, and I’m happy I wrote it. Thanks, Affirmation, for providing this space to share my experience and my feelings.
Family Fellowship Responds to the Oaks-Wickman Statement Family Fellowship, a Mormon organization for the families of gay and lesbian people, has issued a response to statements made by Dallin H. Oaks and Lance B. Wickman in an interview staged last year by LDS Public Affairs. The full response is available on the Family Fellowship website. According to Family Fellowship's response, most gay Mormons do not choose to remain celibate and active in the Church. Family Fellowship parents say that when they see their children confronted with the options of marrying someone of the opposite sex, living in promiscuity, or living in a same-sex committed relationship, they prefer their children “to live in a committed relationship with fidelity.” Family Fellowship expresses concern about Oaks's and Wickman's emphasis on sin and condemnation, but praises the interview for acknowledging that sexual orientation is a core characteristic of personality. “We are extremely grateful that this is included,” Family Fellowship writes, “and we are hopeful that from this time forward more and more leaders and members of the Church will comprehend the importance of this fact.” Family Fellowship expresses concern that the LDS Church has not fully addressed the issue of how to respond to gay and lesbian couples who live in Massachusetts, Canada, and other parts of the world where they are legally married to their partners. “There should be a way for the Church to reach out to such couples,” Family Fellowship writes. “Rather than excluded we would like to see them included and made welcome in our worship services and church community.” Family Fellowship's response takes issue with Elder Wickman's comparison between gay people and those with mental disabilities. “Many of our homosexual children consider it demeaning for others to speak of their condition in the same terms one speaks of physical or mental disabilities or disorders,” they wrote. “Being physically or mentally incapable of marriage is different from being physically and mentally capable of marriage and yet be denied that experience.” Family Fellowship also takes issue with Elder Wickman's rejection of same-sex marriage on the basis that “as an institution, marriage... can only have one definition.” In their response, Family Fellowship parents say that have a hard time explaining this notion to their children given the fact that Mormon families once practiced polygamy. “Many of our family histories include ancestors with a rather different form of marriage,” Family Fellowship wirtes, “—one that not only went against ‘thousands of years of human experience,’ but which the government considered unlawful and the vast majority of citizens considered barbaric.” “When our homosexual children enter into committed, monogamous relationships, whether sanctioned by law or otherwise, they are attempting to abide by a higher moral and social standard that those who live promiscuously,” the document concludes. “When they choose [such] relationships, our choice.... is to welcome them into full family fellowship.” “It is heartbreaking that they are not welcome into... Mormonism,” the document laments. “They and we look forward to a time when they might be able to worship in the congregations of their fathers and mothers.” Affirmation Portland Co-Sponsors Suicide Vigil
During National Suicide Prevention Week, Affirmation Portland and the Community of Welcoming Congregations co-sponsored a vigil to help raise awareness about suicide in the GLBT community. The event was held September 10 at Pioneer Courthouse Square in Portland. Since candles are not allowed in the Square, organizers used balloons instead. “As LGBT Mormons, we have lost too many people to suicide,” says Affirmation’s Assistant Director Alyson Bolles. “Finding one’s identity as a youth in a culture that gives support to heterosexuals in issues of relationships, expectations, and intimacy, is a daunting task for those whose thoughts, feelings, and identities are not validated. The effects on one’s self-esteem and the culminating self-hatred can be too much to handle with the lack of support and near invisibility in mainstream culture.” Since 2001, Affirmation has held suicide awareness and prevention vigils in Mexico, Chile, and across the U.S. For more information about this topic, visit http://www.affirmation.org/suicide_info. Other Stories Recently Posted at www.affirmation.org CBS’s Survivor to Feature Another Gay Mormon www.affirmation.org/news/2007_096.shtml Mormon to Play Gay Man on “Desperate Housewives” www.affirmation.org/news/2007_097.shtml Romney’s Tone on Gay Rights Is Seen as Shift www.affirmation.org/news/2007_098.shtml Returned LDS Missionaries Pose Shirtless for Calendar www.affirmation.org/news/2007_099.shtml “In Quiet Desperation” Model Revealed www.affirmation.org/news/2007_100.shtml Apostle Holland to Publish New Article on Homosexuality www.affirmation.org/news/2007_101.shtml Affirmation: Gay and Lesbian Mormons P.O. Box 46022 Los Angeles, CA 90046 National Phone Line: (661) 367-2421 To see a directory of current Affirmation chapters, visit www.affirmation.org/chapters Executive Director: Olin Thomas Senior Assistant Director: Alyson Bolles Assistant Director: James Morris Associate Director & Affinity Editor: www.affirmation.org/contact/affinity Send Us Your Submission! AFFIRMATION GAY & LESBIAN MORMONS is a non-profit support group serving Gay and Lesbian Mormons, their families and friends since 1977. AFFINITY is the official publication of the Affirmation National Executive Committee. Submissions are welcome and should be limited to 250 words. To contact us, visit www.affirmation.org/contact/affinity. The opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect those of the editors, national committee or publisher, but rather the individual writers. The Editor reserves the right to edit any material deemed offensive, libelous, grammatically incorrect or lengthy. About AFFINITY and E-AFFINITY AFFINITY is available both as an email text and as a web-based document. Although both versions are free of charge, we encourage you to become a dues-paying member and thus help us advance Affirmation's important mission. If you wish to receive a text version of AFFINITY by email, simply (affirmationLDS  earthlink.net). If you are a dues-paying member and do not have Internet
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