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by Mark Cochran This is the third in a series of articles featuring the voices of Affirmation. If you are interested in having your voice featured here, please contact Olin Thomas by visiting www.affirmation.org/contact/ex_dir. I came into contact with Affirmation because a dear friend of mine, a non-Mormon lesbian had witnessed the suffering I faced as I attempted to reconcile my faith with my gay sexuality. As I was doing so, however, I was losing the battle and began pushing her away. She cared enough to intervene and found Affirmation for me. She insisted I attend. I owe her my life. My first Affirmation meeting was on Sunday, July 5, 1987. I remember that dry, hot day as I made the 3-hour holiday weekend drive from my hometown of Modesto, California to the Eureka Street MCC Building where the San Francisco Chapter met. Once there, any apprehension I had about getting involved in Affirmation soon melted away as I was greeted by one of my still-favorite friends – James Morris – and a handful of others. They saw my struggle and held onto me as I learned that I was as much a child of God as any other person – and that I too, was entitled to and could achieve a joyful life. As the years have passed, I have held onto the lessons I’ve learned through my association with friends and leaders of Affirmation. It’s with much gratitude and heartfelt sincerity I recall how my life has been shaped for good and how these lessons and friendships continue to buoy me up, even today. While attending the Affirmation Conference in DC this past October, I was especially moved by the extraordinary efforts of the DC Chapter, our international leadership and participants and saw first-hand the impact on the attendees’ lives. Quite simply, to quote my dear former bishop, Stan Roberts, “Affirmation saves lives.” So when my good friends and fellow Affirmation members, Chuck and Ivan asked regarding the status of a group in the Dallas-Fort Worth area, the timing was right to begin something that would start saving and enriching lives in Northeast Texas – our own Affirmation group! The Dallas-Fort Worth Affirmation Group has met solidly since November 2007 and has over 30 members on our mailing list. Ten of us are attending regularly with a variety of ages, backgrounds and interests. We are having a terrific time together and each of us is committed to building our group and each other. Friendships have formed, warm feelings exist and without a doubt this work is affecting us all for good. I am humbled and grateful to be a part of this work. Affirmation, the organization that saved my life, gave me understanding and hope twenty years ago, continues to build me today. It is my most sincere desire that with the efforts of the incredible members here in the Dallas Fort-Worth area we can accomplish great things and maybe, “Save lives.”
Register Today for the Affirmation Conference Registration Fees Start at $149 by Olin Thomas
We are pleased to announce that registration materials for our annual conference are available at www.affirmation.org/conference. The Planning Committee is putting a lot of effort into preparing an outstanding conference which will also be very reasonably priced. With registration fees starting at $149, this conference, to be held October 10-12 in Los Angeles, is an unbeatable deal. We encourage you to register early, to use the same form to renew your annual Affirmation membership, and, if you feel so inclined, to include a donation. Registration fees alone do not cover the full cost of our conferences. If you are not yet an Affirmation member, we strongly encourage you to become one! If you are a student or are unemployed, please read the back of the registration form, which includes information about conference scholarships. Three weeks ago, the Executive Committee visited the conference venue in Los Angeles. The San Pedro DoubleTree is a beautiful hotel by the Cabrillo Marina. We have posted on the conference website plenty of information about the area, including transportation, restaurants, and local attractions. We put a lot of thought into choosing an inexpensive venue for this conference, and we are pleased that LAX and Long Beach are low-cost destinations for most of our members. These airports are approximately the same distance from the hotel, so use the airport to which you can get the most favorable flight. The Southern California area is sprawling and very automobile-oriented, so we strongly suggest you consider renting a car for the weekend. The conference committee has arranged special rates through Avis and rental rates with all companies are very affordable in the area. A car will greatly expand your options for free time and extra circular activities. For the optional Queen Mary tour on Sunday afternoon, we will travel by carpool from San Pedro to nearby Long Beach. If you’re sharing the ride from the airport with someone else, you will actually save money by renting a car, compared with taking a shuttle. National conferences are a vital component of Affirmation: We renew friendships, discuss important issues, and share unforgettable experiences. We hope you will join us October 10-12 for our annual family reunion.
“Declare the Things Which Ye Know to Be True” This year’s awards will recognize letters to the editor and opinion editorials After a three-year hiatus, Affirmation is pleased to announce the 2008 Writing Contest Awards. Inspired by the admonition in Doctrine and Covenants to “declare the things which ye know to be true” (D&C 80:4), this year’s awards will recognize letters to the editor and opinion editorials published in the printed media, i.e., newspapers and magazines. Entries will be judged on the relevance and significance of the topic to the GLBTI Mormon community, their consistency with Affirmation’s mission, as well as on the succinctness, power, and eloquence of the writing. We encourage pieces that affirm gay Mormon identity, help educate the public about gay Mormon-related issues, or advocate for acceptance of GLBT people and families in the LDS Church, in churches in general, and/or in society at large. For this year’s contest, only pieces published in the printed media will be considered. Mainstream and high circulation publications will be given preference. Larry Mann, from the DC Chapter of Affirmation, will coordinate this year's contest. A panel of judges will determine the winners of awards, which will be announced on October 11, 2008, at Affirmation's annual conference in Los Angeles. For more information, see the contest rules at www.affirmation.org/awa.
Olin Thomas Publishes Plea in “The Salt Lake Tribune” “For too long, love and family have been overshadowed by our fear and misunderstanding of gay people” On April 6, 2008, Olin Thomas, executive director of Affirmation: Gay & Lesbian Mormons, published the following letter in The Salt Lake Tribune: This weekend, a new prophet will be sustained. Thomas S. Monson is a man known for his wisdom, who makes you appreciate small joys. He is a man who can lead with ease. New beginnings mean new opportunities. For too long, love and family have been overshadowed by our fear and misunderstanding of gay people. Homophobia is passing for a family value. As a result, an important person in your life may be afraid to tell you about an important aspect of their life. Being gay is not a sin, not a disease, not a choice. It just is. The only choice is how you treat others who may be different from you. Our new prophet has an opportunity to set a new tone: Love your children, your spouse, your siblings, your parents. Let God be the judge, not you. President Monson, please set the priorities. Less fear, more love. Let those of us who have seen this path help. We don't need to change the doctrine or the commandments; we just need to care, to love and to help each other. Isn't that Christ-like love and family values in their purest form? W. Olin Thomas III Executive director Affirmation: Gay and Lesbian Mormons
“We're pleased the church is opening up the possibility for dialogue” From a story by the Associated Press After decades of silence, Mormon church officials have agreed to meet with a gay Mormon support group that has sought to forge understanding between the faith's leaders and its gay members. In a letter received last week, leaders of Affirmation were invited to meet with Fred M. Riley, commissioner of Family Services for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and Harold C. Brown, the agency's past commissioner. “We're pleased the church is opening up the possibility for dialogue,” said Dave Melson, Affirmation's assistant executive director. “Affirmation has tried 5 or 6 times over the past 31 years to meet with church leaders. This is their second response.” Affirmation has repeatedly invited church leaders to meet or attend the group's annual conference, but the only response was a letter last year declining the conference invitation, Melson said. In February, just three days after 80-year-old Thomas S. Monson was named president of the 13 million-member church, Affirmation petitioned the new leader to meet and begin an unprecedented conversation about gays in the church. Riley's letter, a copy of which was obtained by The Associated Press, says he and Brown were asked by Monson to meet with Affirmation on his behalf. “We believe that is always important to have the opportunity to be given better understanding of your points of view so that the church can appropriately understand your organization and how best to be helpful,” Riley wrote. The meeting is scheduled for August, Riley confirmed Sunday in an e-mail to The Associated Press. Among the specifics Affirmation wants to address: the historical treatment of gays by the church, including recommendations for aversion therapies to “cure” homosexuality; recommendations for more effective counseling methods; ways to avoid family break-ups; and a change in the honor code at church-owned Brigham Young University that can result in expulsion for sexually active gay students. The same standard applies to straight students. “None of this requires a change in doctrine,” said Melson. “They're good for both gays and the church.” Melson, who spoke with Riley on Friday, said he asked if the meeting would result in any change or was simply and effort to placate Affirmation. “They said that there won't be immediate changes, but they are definitely interested in helping ... that they are sincere,” he said. “We would like to start to a dialogue, even if it isn't immediately fruitful.” For Affirmation, which has about 2,000 gay, lesbian and transgender members worldwide, an official meeting with anyone from the church organization is unprecedented. Founded in secret by gay students at BYU in 1977, Affirmation has traditionally been ignored by church leaders, Melson said. Latter-day Saints are taught that gay sex is a sin. Gays can continue to hold church callings if they remain celibate. Those who act on what the church calls “same-gender attraction” have sometimes been excommunicated. In the 1990s, the church openly fought same-sex marriage legislation nationwide and, in 2006, joined other religious denominations in asking Congress for a marriage amendment to the U.S. Constitution. LDS Family Services, with offices across the country, is the only church-endorsed source of counsel for gay members and their families. All therapists are licensed and trained to use treatments that best fit the individual, Riley said. But gay Mormons say the agency's track record of assistance is marked by a lack of understanding and a prescription for clinical treatments that were sometimes horrific and painful. “My personal story—I got recommended for electroshock therapy. They told me to hate and be angry at my parents for making me gay,” said Rob Killian, a Seattle physician who has frequently spoken publicly about his experiences. “They've destroyed families.” It's not clear what treatment methods LDS Family Services therapists currently recommend, but in a 2007 interview posted on the church Web site, Apostle Dallin Oaks acknowledged that some abusive practices, including over-medication and aversion therapies, had been used in the past and phased out by professionals over time. Oaks said the church has no position on the types of treatment used by doctors and accepts no responsibility for out-of-date treatments. “Even though they are addressed at helping people we would have liked to see helped,” Oaks said in the interview. “We can't endorse every kind of technique.” Killian called a meeting between Affirmation and the church a “small improvement” and said he thinks the church may be acting for public relations reasons. He fears it will perpetuate a false belief that the church will change. “There is no way under the current system or the current administration that our story would be even listened to or heard,” he said. Valerie Larabee, executive director of the Utah Pride Center in Salt Lake City, is more hopeful. “Any time that two groups come together there's a possibility, and I hope the possibility can lead to more understanding, more acceptance and less isolation,” said Larabee. Many gay, lesbian and transgender church members seek support from the center after failing to find the help they need at LDS Family Services, she said. “Part of the reason Affirmation does their work is to build bridges,” Larabee said. “This is definitely the building of a bridge ... sometimes that process is long and arduous.” “Facing East” Goes to Buffalo, St. George, Baltimore, and LA During the spring and summer of 2008 Facing East will be staged in Buffalo, New York, St. George, Utah, Baltimore, Maryland, and Los Angeles, California.
Buffalo United Artists www.buffalobua.org May 8-24: St. George, Utah The Space Between Theatre Company www.tsbtc.org 2nd and 3rd weeks of June: Baltimore, Maryland Spotlighters Theatre www.spotlighters.org July 11-August 3: Los Angeles, California Stillspeaking Theatre www.stillspeakingtheatre.org Written by LDS author Carol Lynn Pearson, Facing East explores how the suicide of a gay young man affects his LDS family. Recently Facing East was honored by the Association for Mormon Letters as the best play of 2007, “for its compassion, its even-handed wisdom and its tragic power.” To buy a copy of the playbook, read reviews, and learn more about Pearson's new book No More Goodbyes, visit www.nomoregoodbyes.com. Affirmation: Gay and Lesbian Mormons P.O. Box 46022 Los Angeles, CA 90046 National Phone Line: (661) 367-2421 To see a directory of current Affirmation chapters, visit www.affirmation.org/chapters Executive Director: Olin Thomas Senior Assistant Director: Dave Melson Assistant Director: James Morris Associate Director & Affinity Editor: Hugo Salinas www.affirmation.org/contact/affinity Send Us Your Submission! AFFIRMATION GAY & LESBIAN MORMONS is a non-profit support group serving Gay and Lesbian Mormons, their families and friends since 1977. AFFINITY is the official publication of the Affirmation National Executive Committee. Submissions are welcome and should be limited to 250 words. To contact us, visit www.affirmation.org/contact/affinity. The opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect those of the editors, national committee or publisher, but rather the individual writers. The Editor reserves the right to edit any material deemed offensive, libelous, grammatically incorrect or lengthy. About AFFINITY AFFINITY is available both as an email text and as a web-based document. Although both versions are free of charge, we encourage you to become a dues-paying member and thus help us advance Affirmation's important mission. If you wish to receive a text version of AFFINITY by email, simply send a request to Hugo Salinas by visiting www.affirmation.org/contact/affinity. If you are a dues-paying member and do not have Internet access, you may request a printed version that will be sent to you by mail. |
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