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Jumping the Gun
By Mel Barber
Affinity, October, 1989
Several years ago, I read a news story that I have never been able to get out of my mind. It was the true account of a young woman who was awakened from a deep sleep in the night by strange sounds coming from downstairs. Since there had been reports of burglaries in the area recently, she was terrified, and awoke her still-sleeping husband. The young man took a gun that they kept for protection, and carefully slipped downstairs. He sensed that someone was in their living room. As the living room door opened, he opened fire. As the light went on, there he saw his young toddler son, in his pajamas, running to him in terror and fright and clinging to him for safety. But it was too late, for the gun had already been fired into the terror stricken little boy.
As the father of three small children myself, I don't know how that young man could possibly survive after coming to the realization of what he had done. His prize possession, his beautiful little child, was the victim of his overenthusiasm and zeal to protect his little family. What horror and terror he must have felt when he saw those innocent, trusting little eyes looking up to him for the protection and safety he had always provided, while those little arms clung to him with total trust. Yet it was too late, for he, the very one his son sought for safety and comfort, had just pumped death into the little body.
I can't tell you how many tears I have shed thinking of that tragedy. And then, I think of my lesbian and gay brothers and sisters, and relive that tragedy again...
Over the past 6 years of being affiliated with Affirmation, I have had the opportunity to talk with hundreds of good, clean, honest LDS people who maintain the highest regard and the deepest love for the Church and its leaders, clinging meticulously to every word and precept that their beloved leaders utter. Yet so often, when these beautiful souls go to their trusted and respected leaders looking for love, support and understanding in dealing with the most intimate aspect of their being, these leaders in their overenthusiasm and zeal to "protect" their flock from strangers in the night end up shooting words into the heart that often create severe mental and spiritual damage, and sometimes mental, spiritual or physical death. The saddest part of all, is to see the clean and pure individual continue to cling to these sincere, but overzealous leaders, often for years, while those all-too-well-intended words continue to be shot at them. If only I could turn the light on for them both to see...
Most of us in Affirmation have lived this nightmare, or know someone who is now living it. "Let us hook you up to electronic wires and shock it out of you," "Tie your hands to the bedpost at night," "Get married and it will go away," "Don't read about it, it will only make you worse," "Playing baseball will cure you," are only a few of the "bullets" that are being shot.
We cannot continue to stand idly by and watch as this slaughter is unknowingly allowed to continue by those unwilling or unable to turn the lights on. We must be the ones who turn the lights on! And the time to do it is now! Won't you share your light with us in Affirmation? Most of us have experiences, stories, or testimonies that others would love to hear. Affirmation is a place where you can share those experiences, and your personal insights with others in a non-judgmental atmosphere. Your contributions to Affinity will reach close to 1,000 people, and may help turn someone's lights on before they jump the gun!
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