By Robert Raketty
Contributing Writer
www.gaystandard.com
http://www.glconnection.com/newsloc/

The Seattle chapter of Affirmation, a fellowship group of gay and lesbian Mormons, held a vigil last Tuesday to remember the gay and lesbian victims of suicide. The somber occasion was set to coincide with Suicide Awareness Week and other actions around the country.

Although dedicated to the memory of three young Mormon men, the vigil was open to the broader community. Speaking at the event where representatives from Parents Family and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG), Soulforce, Affirmation, Gamofites, Gay Mormon Fathers and individuals who shared the names of loved ones lost to suicide.

One of the names read was Bill Clayton, a young man who committed suicide exactly six years ago after suffering an incident of anti-gay violence. His mother, Gabi Clayton, shaken on the anniversary of his death, spoke to me over the phone from Olympia.

"You never recover, I'm not the same person I used to be. It's taken me a long time. I went through depression and even had my own suicidal thoughts," she said. "It was our friends and the community support that brought us out of it."

Clayton says suicide is different than other, more natural, forms of death.

"It's not an act of God but rather a choice one makes while in that dark space," she said. "You question yourself. Was there something I could have done?"

Today, Clayton honors her son's memory through her website, www.members.tripod.com/~claytoly/ , which tells Bill's story. She now is an advocate for LGBT youth and webspinner for the Safe Schools Coalition of Washington.

"I stumbled through it a lot when I started out," she said. "I was terrified of public speaking so I started a website describing what happened to Bill and asking others to speak out."

Scott MacKay, National Executive Director of Affirmation, can sympathize with Clayton's loss. In the last year alone, MacKay has lost four young friends to suicide, one of whom was very close to him.

"We thought it was time someone spoke out. This is a huge problem in the gay Mormon community and we wanted to use positive education to bring the issue to light," he said.

The event, according to organizers, was an excellent opportunity to discuss the damage of anti-gay religious teachings and the toll they exact.

"The vigil is not intended to attack the Mormon Church or membership," according to MacKay. "We want to offer a message of hope and solace in the wake of despair."

Beth Reis, a Public Health Educator Consultant with Public Health -Seattle & King County and Co-Chair of the Safe Schools Coalition of Washington, says suicide is actually more common than most people think.

"We hear so often about homicide but suicide is actually more common in King County," she said.

Reis was armed with the latest statistics, quotes from the 1999 Teen Health Risk Survey, which was taken by 8,000 ninth through twelfth graders.

"The survey found that gay, lesbian and bisexual students were three times as likely than heterosexual students to say they had a seriously considered suicide in the past twelve months, five times as likely to say they had attempted suicide at least once in the last twelve months and seven times as likely to have made a suicide attempt that required treatment by a doctor or a nurse in the last twelve months," she said. "We don't have reliable data on completed suicides but we know that suicidal thinking and attempts are much more prevalent among sexual minority youth and straight students who have been harassed for being perceived to be gay than among their peers."

Michael Lambert, Seattle Affirmation Vigil Coordinator, says that the vigil is one piece of the No More Deaths, No More Silence Campaign.

"The vigil is one of a number of vigils being conducted as a part of our campaign. Similar vigils are being held in San Francisco, Portland, Reno, Salt Lake City, Los Angeles and Phoenix," he said.

MacKay said he hopes that vigils such as this will open a dialogue and reduce the number of those lost to suicide.

"Everyone, whether they're gay or straight can get behind this. Perhaps this will start a dialogue. Once you do that, we can start to talk about other things as well," said MacKay. "I sincerely hope that we can raise awareness among gay Mormons and others so they know they are not alone and that they don't have to choose that path."