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What follows in a excerpt of a story by Brooke Adams, a reporter with the Salt Lake Tribune. Adams was covering the national conference of Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG), which was held October 21-24 in Salt Lake City with heavy participation of the local LDS community. © The Salt Lake Tribune. Strength in numbers: The gathering aims to help friends and family of gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgender people reframe debate and counter ignorance about homosexuality, in their communities or in their own hearts. "We are staunch LDS and are trying to reconcile the conflict between [the church's teachings] and love, acceptance and understanding," said a Utah woman, who asked not to be identified, after listening to Robert Minor talk on dealing with religious opposition to homosexuality. The couple's son struggled to accept his same-sex attraction for years; at age 16 he got a job to pay for counseling sessions he kept secret from his parents. He contemplated suicide. "He didn't dare come to us," the woman said. "He thought it would kill his parents." At age 17, he came out to his family. "When I found out what he had been going through, and the razzing he'd gone through from grade school up, I thought, 'What kind of mother am I?' " the woman said. Their son tried conversion therapy to "cure" his same-sex attraction - an approach conference speaker Doug Haldeman, a clinical psychologist at the University of Washington, calls "science in drag." Nothing changed. "I sincerely believe this is who they are," the mother said. Added her husband: "Religious leaders tend to place your son in a category with all the perverts and people of the lowest esteem you've ever heard of, and that is very hurtful." Fighting with oneself: Robert A. Jones contended with the conflict between the good values of his LDS faith and its messages that "taught me to hate myself." "I felt like I was going to have to fight it all my life and be cured in heaven or something," said Jones, who is the founder of Gay RMs, a social/resource group for gay men who have filled service missions for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The LDS Church, like numerous other faiths, considers same-sex relationships an aberration that "undermines the divinely created institution of the family." Engaging in homosexual behavior is grounds for excommunication from the church. For the most part, the panelists have been accepted by their parents and siblings since coming out as gay. Stephen Shroy said he waited to tell his parents until he was financially independent "in case they wanted to withdraw support." One panelist said people should give their parents time to adjust. "They wanted us to have a wonderful life and they may not think being gay or lesbian is a having a wonderful life." The panelists said they've experienced a mixture of acceptance and rejection from church leaders. One gay man in the audience said he has found some lay leaders of local congregations have a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" attitude.
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www.affirmation.org