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“Is all this normalcy only an act, a façade covering up repressed desires?” by Seba Martinez August 2006 An August 4 story in the Salt Lake Tribune focuses on the lives of three LDS men who, despite being gay, chose to marry someone of the opposite sex and be faithful to their wives in order to obey the teachings of the Mormon Church. One of them is Ben Christensen, a BYU graduate who told his girlfriend Jessie he was gay before proposing. Ben recently described his conundrum in an article in the Fall 2005 issue of Dialogue: A Journal of Mormon Thought. "My life is surprisingly typical of a straight Mormon male," writes Christensen. "Is all this normalcy only an act, a façade covering up repressed desires? Maybe. I don't know." What are the odds that these couples like Ben and Jessie will have a happy marriage? Not much, according to research. "It is possible that Ben can achieve a successful marriage, but, unfortunately, the odds are against him… ," wrote Idaho State University professor Ron Schow. Of 136 gay Mormons surveyed by Schow, 36 had tried marriage, but only two remained married at the time of the survey. According to Schow, organizations such as Evergreen International add to the problem of heterosexually married gays and lesbians by making them believe that they can "transition out of homosexuality." According to Schow, there is "a great deal of pressure on LDS men with homosexual attraction to marry heterosexually, with unfortunate outcomes for many of them and their spouses and children." "Some of these couples end up leaving the marriage," adds LDS therapist Marybeth Raynes. "But I would guess that, for most married bisexual, lesbian, and gay people, choosing to leave may well be choosing life—literally and emotionally. As a side note, the high rates of suicidal ideation, attempts, and completed suicides do not end in young adulthood or upon being married." Convinced of the importance of educating LDS Families about homosexuality, Schow and Raynes edited Peculiar People, co-authored A Guide for Latter-day Saint Families Dealing with Homosexual Attraction, and are now posting perspectives by professional and church leaders at www.ldsresources.info. Two LDS women who know intimately the tremendous challenges that mixed-orientation marriages face are Carol Lynn and Emily Pearson, mother and daughter, both of whom ended up divorcing their gay husbands. Carol Lynn has written about her experience in her classic book Good-Bye, I Love You. Emily has written about her experiences in a recent Sunstone article and will address the Affirmation members at the upcoming Affirmation conference in Portland. Two years ago, Carol Lynn Pearson wrote a letter to editor of Sunstone magazine in response to a homophobic letter by Orson Scott Card, who had written that "any homosexual man who can persuade a woman to take him as her husband can avail himself of all the rights of husbandhood under the law." Carol Lynn wrote, "I must respond on behalf of the many thousands of LDS women, including myself and my daughter, who have been the willing, naive sacrifices laid on the altar of false hope built by our church teachings, policies, encouragement and even promises of well-meaning but misguided LDS therapists, bishops, stake presidents and even general authorities." Daughter Emily echoed the same idea in the 2004 Affirmation conference devotional, held at a time of nationwide debate over a proposed constitutional amendment against marriage equality. "My mother and I want to start an organization for the true protection of marriage," said Emily, "for the passage of a constitutional amendment banning marriage between gays and straights." 
See also:Gay & Married There's More to the Story on Gay/Straight Marriages |
www.affirmation.org