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“From my coming out, and my transition from female-to-male, I'm a much better person and can do much more for other people” by Kourt Osborn February 2007 Kourt Osborn is one of four young people with an LDS background who will participate in Soulforce's Equality Ride as it stops at BYU, BYU-Idaho, and some 15 other religious colleges that discriminate against LGBT students. The Equality Ride will visit BYU on March 21-22 and BYU-Idaho on April 16-17. For more information on these four Riders of LDS background, and to help sponsor their Ride, please visit the pages for Mike Cramer, Matt Kulisch, Kourt Osborn, and Emil Pohlig at www.soulforce.org/2007riders. Kanab, Utah, is located five miles from the Arizona border. The nearest Wal-Mart is over an hour away. The local movie theater plays one movie, once a night, three days a week. My graduating class was 64 people. Overlooked by sweeping blue skies, and surrounded by red rocked cliffs, the isolation in one of the most isolated towns in America was deep. I converted to the LDS Church at the age of twelve. I converted mostly because all my friends were LDS, they were all doing LDS things, and all they pretty much talked about was church. (Looking back on it, I know their lives were more than just church, but at the time it seemed very intense.) As the years went on, I held several callings within the Church. These included president of my respective age groups, not once but three times, and various camp leader positions as well. My face was a staple at church. On the outside, my face and my actions said that I loved the Church; on the inside I felt incompatible, but I thought everyone felt that way. I wish I could say that the Church played a more direct role in my life, but I honestly stopped going around the age of sixteen. There were events that played out in my latter teen years, but they didn't impact me in the way one would expect. Instead, the Church played a more indirect role in my life and towards my views of sex, sexuality, and gender. As it turns out, the church does not affirm transgendered folks. Not only that, but the Church leaves few options for transgender folks. For my life and my needs, I needed to transition or I would surely die. For the Church, my transition said that I thought God was wrong, and I was less holy, less righteous, and less worthy than other members. I saw other members doing what they needed to do to survive; why was my choice so wrong? The way I look at it, the Church and I had a mutual separation. I left them for many reasons beyond my transgendered identity, as I'm sure they left me for many reasons as well. Spending my high school years in a place that didn't have a P-FLAG chapter or a Gay-Straight Alliance was very difficult. I remember one time someone wrote "Fagett" on my locker. I wrote back on the locker, "If you're going to discriminate, at least spell things correctly." It wasn't until I wrote my little note back that the school decided to paint my locker. I learned what it meant to be transgender while living in Utah but felt that the situation was hopeless and that I would never be able to obtain the body or the life I wanted. It took a move across the country for me to realize that I had realistic options. I moved to Pennsylvania when I was nineteen. There I found an abundance of resources and willing and loving people. I started hormone replacement therapy by way of testosterone injections on December 27, 2005. I returned to Utah in late June of 2006. At this time I was passing 100% as male, and was starting to see that male privilege did exist: In restaurants the check was always placed closer to me when I was in the presence of a female; other males in commercial settings would talk to me, as opposed to the female in the situation (who was usually my grandmother or my mother.). Even the conversations that would happen randomly between me and other males were completely flabbergasting at points. One of my LDS co-workers in a restaurant where I worked made terribly offensive comments towards women in the Church, black people in the Church, and gay people in the Church. My family affirms me, supports me, and loves me without reservation. It's such a shame that many LDS families are ready to disown their children. I find it hard to believe that because someone identifies with something outside the norm that we must abandon them. I believe that the parents of those Queer children who do not have families who support and still love them, should look back into their hearts and the true message of Christ. We need to love others and to allow ourselves to be loved. Many Queer youth spend so much time talking about how hard it is for them, but I believe we must talk more about the good things that result from coming out. From my coming out, and my transition from female-to-male, I now can live a more fulfilling and happy live. I'm a much better person, and because I am a much better person, I can do much more for other people. Since I have found my happiness in my identity, I can try my best to help others find their way. The best way for me to do this right now is the Equality Ride. The Equality Ride is an endeavor sponsored by Soulforce. There are two buses that will spread a message of love to 32 schools across the country. I will be on the West Bus, which has stops like Notre Dame, BYU, Pepperdine, BYU-Idaho, and many other campuses. These schools all have a policy that does not allow the Queer students to live open and honest lives. Matt Kulisch and I are coordinating the stop at BYU. We would like to compile a list of concerns or grievances from current Queer students, former Queer students, and their friends and family. For more information, please visit http://www.affirmation.org/news/2007_008.shtml. |
www.affirmation.org