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“I’m at the very birth of a new life where I accept myself to be a wonderful, whole human being who happens to be attracted to his own gender, who has a great love for God, Jesus Christ and all people” January 2008 Clark, a young gay man of Mormon background, posted a 7-part video on YouTube.com in which he discusses his life in the LDS Church, his vain attempts to change his sexual orientation, and his ultimate decision to accept himself as gay man. “I really believe that you can be a fully functioning happy human being outside of the Mormon Church,” says Clark in the last segment. “[Growing] up Mormon the way I did, I truly believed that the Church and the gospel were the only ways that I could be happy. But I saw all through my life a lot of examples of people who are not Mormons who are very happy.” Clark says that his efforts to “endure to the end” and he was taught he should, led him to wish for death. “‘Endure to the end’ to me became this literal phrase,” says Clark, “and what I started doing was truly wishing that the end would be very, very near. During a certain period of life, there were many mornings when I would wake up and get out of bed and say to myself, ‘If I get run over by a car, that would be really great, because I don’t know how much longer I can do this.’” “If you are a gay Mormon and you are watching this, there is a very good chance that at some point in your life you thought about death or suicide,” says Clark. “I want to bear my testimony to you that there is a life for you that you have no idea exists yet. I’m at the very birth of a new life for myself, and that is a life where I accept myself to be a wonderful, whole human being who happens to be attracted to his own gender, who has a great love for God, who has a great love for Jesus Christ and who has a great love for all the people on this earth.” Clark directs the last part of his video to those who may wish to die or have suicidal thoughts. “I think if you were to call a parent, or if you were to call your little sister, or your little brother, or your cousin, or one of your friends, and say, ‘Would you rather have me live out my life as a gay man outside of the Church, or would you rather have me commit suicide?’ I don’t think there is a friend or cousin or brother or relative or parent who would ever tell you that death was the best option for you. I think that given the choice, people would rather have you stay here.” “God created the Church to benefit the people of this earth,” Clark concludes, “and if you personally are entertaining thoughts of death or suicide, I think it’s safe to say that this Church is not benefiting you in your life. If you are wanting to die like I was or take your own life, I think you should start finding a way to see your connection with God in a way that doesn’t involve Mormonism.” To see Clark’s video blog, visit www.youtube.com/profile?user=lawrenzzz.
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www.affirmation.org