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Why We Are Meeting with LDS Family Services
One of the purposes of Affirmation is to work for the acceptance of gays and lesbians as full, equal and worthy members of the Church

May 2008

Dear Affirmation Members and Friends:

The Executive Committee of Affirmation: Gay and Lesbian Mormons recently sent a letter to President Thomas S. Monson of the LDS Church asking for a meeting to discuss the church's treatment of gay members. Many, both within Affirmation and without, have asked why we are doing this and what we hope to accomplish.

Affirmation's membership consists of LGBT Mormons, their friends, and their families throughout the world, and we are the oldest, largest, and most well established support and advocacy organization for gay Mormons. With that comes a responsibility for leadership. We have gay members who have been irreparably harmed by the LDS Church, we have gay members who are active in the Church and who wish to remain that way, and we have everything in between. Affirmation's Charter makes clear that one of the purposes for our existence is to work for the acceptance of gays and lesbians as full, equal and worthy members of the Church. The Executive Committee is fully aware that not all Affirmation members desire this for themselves, but some do. In recent years, the Church has taken some awkward steps towards being less harsh in its treatment of gay members. These efforts have often not been effective, but the attempts themselves indicate that Church officials realize there is a problem.

With a change in Church leadership this winter, the time seemed right to seek a conversation. In our letter, the leadership of Affirmation asked for a dialogue without recriminations for past deeds on either side. This was to be about the future. Much to our surprise, the Church accepted. At the direction of the First Presidency, we will be meeting with the current and the former Directors of LDS Family Services. The fact that this was directed from the top down makes it a historic first.

When the Church does something that is hurtful to gay Mormons or to gay people anywhere, we feel that it is our duty to hold them accountable, and we intend to. But, on the other hand, if we can suggest changes in training for Priesthood leaders, or try to persuade them to stop spending millions of tithing dollars on anti-gay political activity, then we should speak up also. If we can reduce the level of fear that gay and non-gay Church members have for each other, then we will have made a difference. If our efforts can prevent one more suicide, prevent one more teenager from being thrown onto the street by his or her "loving" Mormon family, prevent one more BYU student from being expelled for holding hands with the wrong person, then we will have made a difference and the efforts will have been worthwhile.

Our mission is to extend a hand of cooperation, have a substantive conversation, and take the first step on a long journey. We do not have any illusions of immediately changing doctrine. Will the Church someday accept gay men and women in full fellowship? Absolutely — one day. We are children of loving Heavenly Parents who have blessed us with the amazing gift of being gay and we will have our place in the kingdom. In the meantime, if we can reduce some of the hate and the fear in the world, then that is a good first step.

Throughout the history of the Church, most revelation has been received only after some incident or series of events provoked the potential recipient to question the status quo and then to seek the true answer. Revelation, like a journey of a thousand miles, comes only after the first step.

Olin Thomas, Dave Melson, and James Morris
The Executive Committee of Affirmation: Gay & Lesbian Mormons