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About Affirmation

Ben Jarvis

Affirmation In My Life

By Ben Jarvis, who was a Board Member of the Los Angeles chapter
April, 1997

My activity in Affirmation is approaching the four year mark. My first year, I did not have the courage to attend many meetings and was still getting used to the idea of thinking of myself as a gay individual. My main connection to Affirmation was through the Orange County newsletter and Affinity. There were too many things going on in my life as a graduate student and an active member of the Church for me to really take advantage of all that Affirmation had to offer. It was my turn to be the new kid on the block; to be the one going through the process of leaving my hopes for a heterosexual life behind and embracing this new found gay identity. I will always be grateful to the Affirmation members in Orange County who let me grow at my own pace and on my own terms. Steve P., spent many hours on the phone with me helping me work through my thoughts and to make sense of a situation that is rarely spoken. of in LDS circles. Affirmation was there for me when I needed love and support and I am proud that the organization remains accessible to those who need a listening ear in their coming out process.

Upon graduation in 1994, my life changed significantly. I had the time to become more involved in Affirmation, I attended my first national conference in Las Vegas, and I entered the close knit GLDS community in cyberspace. Gay Mormons, their friends and families become an integral part of my life and I came to feel more whole and complete than I had every felt before. I have truly enjoyed the time I have devoted to Affirmation and look forward to continued activity in with the GLDS community in one form or another. I currently serve on the board of Directors for the Los Angeles Chapter and handle outreach activities across Southern California. I receive between three and five inquiries each week from the Internet from people who want to know more about Affirmation and what we do. In addition to my outreach duties locally, I am also one of three people whose names and phone numbers are listed as contacts on Affirmation's national information line. Since April 1995, I have spoken with thirty individuals from all parts of the United States and Canada. These include gay or lesbian Mormons, their spouses, and the occasional university researcher. The time I have devoted to Affirmation has been very rewarding and I encourage every one to become involved.

Affirmation is a grassroots organization; we are a group of people who have similar backgrounds or interests and who work together for a common cause. I want to express some of my feelings about Affirmation and how all of us can pitch in and make the organization better. Let me go on record as stating that these are my own opinions and that my personal view of the world may differ significantly from yours.

Affirmation is only as strong as the sum of its parts. In order to keep the organization healthy, we need everyone to get involved and to help in the effort. A small core of key individuals cannot do the work by themselves. Affirmation is fortunate to have some real work horses involved in local and national leadership-people with the drive, knowledge, and resources to set goals and accomplish them. Leaders in the various chapters have taken a hands-on approach to solve problems at the local level and to make Affirmation more visible. Last year during the East High controversy in Salt Lake City, I was glad that the Wasatch Chapter was there to offer support to the East High students and to provide a gay-Mormon presence during the debate. Chapters in the Eastern United States (New York, Washington DC, and Atlanta) provide a gathering place for GLDS who do not live in areas where there are large Mormon populations. The Chapter-at-large goes one step further in connecting people who are isolated elsewhere in the US. and beyond.

Different chapters in the Western United States have hosted conferences and serve as resources not only for homosexual Mormons, but also their friends and families. Our national leaders do their part by disseminating information between the chapters, maintaining an excellent web page, handling finances, and ensuring that Affinity goes out in time.

All of these tasks are accomplished by volunteers; people who have regular jobs and lives, and yet make the time to do a little bit more. There are no paid positions in Affirmation. Anytime a person receives Affinity, gets information from the national hot line. sees an ad in a newspaper or magazine, or receives a response from the Internet, it is because somebody somewhere has taken the time to sit down and make things happen. I am grateful that we have so many people who are willing to put their shoulders to the wheel and make another person's burden a little lighter.

Despite the strong and capable leadership that we have in Affirmation, the leaders can only do so much. Affirmation is a living entity and an active membership is key to the organization's longevity and success. While we all share a commonality that is tied to Mormonism. that fact is that all of us are in very different places. All views need to be represented in the decision making-process and it is very important that local and national leaders have as much input and assistance as possible. This includes knowing your feelings on different topics and hearing your ideas on ways to improve the services that Affirmation provides.

When I first got involved with Affirmation, I was fresh out of the closet and did not know what I could do to help Affirmation meet my needs or the needs of others. There was even a time when I felt that I did not have the ability to contribute anything – that someone else had to step up to the plate and get the ball rolling before I could start participating. Although there are no manuals for new Affirmation members, there are things that you and I can do that can help others as well as ourselves. You do not need to hold an official office in Affirmation or commit a huge amount of time to make a difference; it only takes a willingness to help. I have listed some things that I think can make a difference in Affirmation; contributions that will create a better organization for all of us. A little effort from individuals can result in a positive impact for Affirmation as a whole.

Celebrate Diversity

Affirmation is all about accepting people for who and where they are in their lives. Some people remain active the LDS Church; others move on and leave the Church behind. Regardless of where people are in their individual journeys, Affirmation should be a safe place where everyone can discuss their thoughts and feelings on sexuality and religion-even if they are not certain of what their feelings are. When a person attends Affirmation for the first time, it is important that they be given a chance to express their own feelings and experiences. We must be careful not to project our own issues onto them or expect others to react in the same way that we might react in similar circumstances.

Listen

Do not feel that you must comment on every aspect of a person's life or story. Simply listen to others when they are expressing their thoughts and feelings. Share opinions and experiences that fit the discussion and encourage others to do the same.