Affirmation: Gay & Lesbian Mormons

WHO
WE ARE

ESPECIALLY
FOR YOU

EVENTS
& NEWS

RESOURCES
& LINKS

BECOME
INVOLVED


DONATE

About Affirmation

Dave Melson

Affirmation Voices: Dave Melson
"I am humbled by the opportunities that I have to serve in Affirmation, grateful for the friends and for the love that I find there, proud to consider Affirmation to be my family.”

January 2008

The only reason that I did not come out as being gay when I was young was that in Boone County, Illinois, in the 1960's there wasn't any word for "gay" and no one had heard of "coming out." But I was the kid whose favorite toy was Lincoln Logs because you could use them to build things that were just like my best friend's sister's dollhouses. When I was older, when my parents would go out, I would rearrange the furniture. I knew that I was something, I just didn't know what. Imagine my delight when I went to college in that great bastion of liberalism, Ohio. (Oh my, how times have changed!) There were lots of people like me, there were words to describe it, and hey, kissing a man (and everything that came after that) was WAAAAY better than kissing a girl!

When I was 28, living now in Orlando, these two incredibly good looking guys knocked on my door. I let them in, and, well, you know the next part. I was curious enough that I prayed about it, got a very strong answer, and I was baptized. Now prior to this, the only thing I knew about Mormons was what they had taught us in high school in Illinois, which was how the Mormons had marched into Illinois, raping and looting, until the Illinois militia could be formed up to chase them out and once again make Illinois a safe place for decent folk to live. It wasn't until I was in that I found that being homosexual was frowned upon somewhat in LDS circles. Still, there was enough there that I believed in that I rationalized my way through it. (There is sufficient material here for a doctorial thesis if you want more details.)

Over the next few years, I held almost every leadership position you can think of: young men's presidency (all three positions), elders quorum president, president of seventies, high priests group leadership, branch president, clerk, executive secretary, employment specialist, and stake young men's presidency; I was even a Relief Society president briefly in a small branch. I also took two years off to serve a mission in Asia. That is where I met Marsha. Our Mission President would set up "dates" for us. We were each older than the typical missionary, we were both from the South, we were both converts, and we loved each other. When we finished our missions, we went home and were married in the Atlanta Temple. The Mormon fairy tale. Six months later we were divorced, but no one ever again asked if either of us might have a problem with "same-sex attraction."

I found Affirmation on Google and attended my first meeting of the DC Chapter in January of 2003. It was the start of a snow storm and there were a total of three other people there; those three are now all dear friends. There were more people in subsequent meetings, and I had found a home. My first conference was that fall in Salt Lake City, and I have attended every conference since. I have been privileged to serve as the Washington Chapter leader for the past three years, and this year I join the Affirmation Executive Committee.

I stopped attending LDS church meetings in 2004. The church's massive support of anti-LGBT political groups and candidates was more than I could abide, and I could no longer justify giving any funding to an organization that that used my money to tell the world that they should hate me for being gay. There is an old Affirmation ad that bemoans the future of our children in a world that "teaches hatred and homophobia as family values." I agree with that. In June of 2006, another Affirmation DC member, Sam Wolfe, and I accepted a challenge to come out to our wards in fast and testimony meeting. I spoke about my knowledge of the truthfulness of the gospel, of my belief in my Heavenly Parents and in Jesus Christ. I talked about the gift of free agency and how it applies to all people, even church leaders. And I spoke about how there were times when I did not always feel welcome or safe in my LDS church home, but how I felt that the greatest gift that the Lord had given me was to be sent here in this day as a gay man.

The outcome of that meeting was surprising. A member of the Stake Presidency spoke, with tears in his eyes, of his love and support for me. Several members went out of their way to commend me for my words and to affirm their support. A few came out to me. But most significantly, it affected me in ways that I had not expected. I had considered myself to be out. I was out at work, out to my friends, out to my family. I have been active in speaking out in the press and in the Maryland legislature for LGBT rights. I have never denied being gay to anyone who asked. (Amazingly, in over twenty years, no priesthood official ever asked me about homosexuality during a recommend or worthiness interview.) But in my dealings with people in church, I had always avoided the subject of being gay, unless someone else brought up the subject first (which wasn't often). Church was the one place where I was not totally out of the closet. When I slammed the door shut on that last dark corner of my personal closet, it gave me both a sense of liberation and a feeling of spiritual affirmation greater than anything else I have experienced.

The members of Affirmation have amazing stories and experiences that have forged a variety of beliefs that run the gamut from one end of the spectrum to the other. We are united by the green Jell-O that courses through our veins. For good or bad, the LDS Church has helped to make us who we are. The church has taught us to not rely on the wisdom of any person, but to seek out and to choose what is right. I am humbled by the opportunities that I have to serve in Affirmation, grateful for the friends and for the love that I find there, proud to consider Affirmation to be my family.