Affirmation: Gay & Lesbian Mormons

Gay in Portugal

May, 1999
By Reinaldo Santos

My name is Reinaldo Santos and I live in Portugal, in the beautiful city of Setúbal, located just south of Lisbon, which is the capital city of Portugal.

I became a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints on September 1st, 1996. It was August and I was in my house doing a puzzle. Suddenly the door bell rang, my mom went to see who it was, the people at the door started to talk with my mother, and it was her interest in that conversation that grabbed my attention. I decided to see who it was. I saw two missionaries of the Church. We started to talk and they asked if they could come back next week. I said yes.

Several days went by and the missionaries returned over and over again until I decided to let them in and talk for a bit. They gave me the first discussion and then all the others followed.

Then, as I said, I got baptized. I decided to get baptized because I didn't want to be gay and I was "sorry for being so."

After a year I told my "young men's president" and my bishop that I was gay. The first one wanted to help me, getting me to a doctor hoping that male hormones could "cure" me, and the other just thought that I was crazy and that I was just very young to know what I wanted (I was 16 years old).

Time passed and after two years and three months of ignoring myself and hoping that an eventual change would happen, I started to lose my faith in a "recovery".

I started dating other people of the same sex but left them one after another because I thought that what I was doing wasn't right. I went back to church but it didn't last long because I could not be two different persons.

After a while I told three friends in the church that I was gay. They were very supportive and they loved me, whether I was gay or not. Those same friends started to fast and to pray for me but I just felt uncomfortable about going to church.

In this last few days, (as you can see I'm still living this "experience") two missionaries came to my door and we talked. They asked me why I wasn't going to church. I said that I was gay. Once again I was very supported. They asked if I wanted a blessing, I said, "Yes, that will make me very happy." They gave me the blessing and then we prayed. The missionaries that gave me the blessing cried and I was almost crying too. I felt the spirit in that room while the blessing was being given and afterwards too. So I'm still living two lifestyles.