Affirmation: Gay & Lesbian Mormons

I Known I Am a Child of God

By Rain
May 2005

I can't express the happiness I feel right now to find out that there is a group of people like me who understand what I feel and why I felt that way. I am a 29-year-old Filipina lady who migrated here to the United States 9 years ago. I was raised by my grandparents, who were very active members of the LDS Church. I grew up in the church and always tried to become like Jesus.

A few years ago, I met an LDS woman who is 4 years older than me. We became the best of friends and finally we realized that we loved each other very much. I really don't know and don't understand why I feel that way about her--all I know is that we are very happy every time we are together. My LDS family knew about the relationship, but we couldn't tell our friends about what's going on between the two of us. Finally, we decided to tell some of our closest friends, and I am sad to know that only a couple of them still consider us their friends. They thought we were very bad people, that we were out of our minds, that we were crazy and filthy.

I started to become inactive in the church. Sometimes I felt like I wanted to blow up, because the people we loved didn't understand. I wish they would realize that I am not a bad person, that I am not doing anything to hurt them. I wish they understood that I am also a child of God and that I have every right to be a part of the congregation without being judged just because I am a gay.

I miss the church so much, but I can't stand being talked about and being stared at. Now, every time I go back home to the Philippines, I choose not to attend church. Even though I am a lesbian, I never have and will never deny that I am a Mormon and that the Church is true. I know that--as I am-I am and always will be a child of God.

I am happy that there is a group like Affirmation that understands and with which I can always share my feelings without being judged.

I support all of you!

Rain