by Peter van der Walt
Whether things go my way or not… whether my plans hatch the way they are supposed to… whether my team wins or not… whether things get better or things get a little worse for a while… whether I enjoy the support of my friends, family, ward, denomination, parents, or not…
Whether I’m single, or involved… unmarried or married… whether the world agrees with whether I am any of the above or not. Whether I believe one thing or have been led to believe another… and whether my convictions end up actually, objectively true… or not.
Whether I live in the good side of town, or the bad side of town. Living the dream… or waiting on the world to change. Whether I’m a go-getter, or an introvert. Whether I own no home… or several. Whether I’m buying a Louis Vuitton bag… or wondering where my kids’ next meal comes from.
Whether I’m white or black… Chinese or Chilean… Whether I’m always the smartest guy in the room or the biggest fool that everyone laughs at. Whether I have the six-pack abs and the jetsetting lifestyle or I never take my shirt off at the beach – because I am ashamed of the way I look. Whether I have a cute face or people think I’m below average looking.
Whether I live righteously, with blessings and callings and ordinances… or whether I live behind the dumpster outside the restaurant, where I steal food to stay alive… whether I lecture to millions, on live TV, about truth and justice or I’m fighting a heroin addiction and nobody knows or cares if I’m alive. Whether I am waiting for the one wife I will marry or I’m positively living with HIV.
Whether I believe one thing or I believe another. Whether I believe in evolution or creationism. Whether I’m Democrat or Republican, or even American at all… or not… Whether I’m pro-life or pro-choice or pro-gun or anti-gun… whether I get my news from Maddow or from Limbaugh.
Whether I will die in a car crash or from heart failure. Whether I have a long road ahead of me to walk still or the number 10 bus hits me this pm.
Whether I am loved or hated. Supported or prevented. Welcomed or excluded. Celebrated or sabotaged. Uplifted or brought down.
Whether I am weak or strong. Whether I accept those who see things differently or pass judgment on disputable matters. Whether I’m Vegan or a meat lover… whether I praise my God in a crowd or on my own…
I am a child of God… I have my agency, and my truth, and my revelations, and my wanderings in the desert.
And whether the Church changes tomorrow or it does not. Whether justice is swift or whether it is a long walk to fairness. Whether Zion is around the bend or forever just out of reach.
I am a child of God… I try my best, I live my life, I do what I think will help and build and take me and mine forward.
The sun shines on the just and the unjust alike. Who knows all the mysteries of God… they reasons why… the ultimate supreme, full and only truth? This is a one-on-one walk… this is me and Heavenly Father. And it brings many blessings to my life. And it brings peace. And it brings wonders. I do not have to solve it all… not all at once… and everything not permanently.
I simply live. I simple am. And I am, so that I may have joy.
I am a child of God.
And until He decides that I walk no more, I walk on.