{"id":24762,"date":"2019-04-09T14:50:30","date_gmt":"2019-04-09T20:50:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/affirmation.org\/?p=24762"},"modified":"2021-10-03T16:32:08","modified_gmt":"2021-10-03T22:32:08","slug":"two-degrees-off-center-if-at-first-you-dont-succeed","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/affirmation.org\/es\/dos-grados-fuera-del-centro-si-al-principio-no-tiene-exito\/","title":{"rendered":"Dos grados fuera del centro: si al principio no tiene \u00e9xito ..."},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cTwo Degrees off Center<\/a>\u201d is a blog by Rich Keys about the personal struggles, issues, and topics that speak to the LDS\/LGBT experience. \u00a0Sometimes it will be serious, sometimes humorous, but will always approach things from a slightly different perspective.<\/em><\/p>\n

\"Apology<\/p>\n

Submitted to Affirmation following The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saint\u2019s reversal of their November 2015 policy changes that prohibited children of LGBTQ parents from being blessed and baptized and characterized members of the church entering into same-sex marriages as apostates. These changes became known within the LGBTQ Mormon community as the \u201cexclusion policy,\u201d \u201cpolicy of exclusion,\u201d or \u201cPoX.\u201d The day after the reversal of this policy was announced, Nathan Kitchen, President of Affirmation, invited anyone willing to and share their authentic feelings and all their stories of grief, anger, relief, sadness, happiness, confusion, whatever they may be that surround the rescinding this policy. \u201cAs President of Affirmation, I want to be sure Affirmation does not hide you or your stories as we move forward,\u201d wrote Kitchen in his invitation. If you have reactions or a story to share about the reversal of the exclusion policy, please send to\u00a0submissions@affirmation.org<\/a>. You can also\u00a0read other stories and reactions to the reversal of the exclusion policy<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

by Rich Keys<\/strong><\/p>\n

We are a forgiving people. Down deep, most of us want to see our fellow man succeed, to overcome, to rise up from the mess they\u2019ve made of themselves and change for the better. We applaud them even when they only make baby steps, because their fall is our fall, and their success is our success. We see them, and we see ourselves. But the mortal in us isn\u2019t unconditional. We want to see a broken heart and a contrite heart, a \u201csincere sincerity,\u201d not some prepackaged press release from their attorney. If they publically confess even before the wrong goes public, even better.<\/p>\n

Many of us who grew up in the LDS Church (or any church) remember being taught the simple but important lessons in Primary: Be honest, do the right thing, play nice, and say you\u2019re sorry. We even teach our kids from the womb how to repent. They don\u2019t need to repent until they turn 8, but we want to prepare them for what\u2019s ahead.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow do you feel when you\u2019ve done something wrong?\u201d
\n\u201cSad.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you do?\u201d
\n\u201cSay you\u2019re sorry to Heavenly Father.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThen what?\u201d
\n\u201cSay you\u2019re sorry to the person you hurt.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThen what?\u201d
\n\u201cShow your love for them.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow do you do that?\u201d
\n\u201cBe a friend, share, help them so they know you for the good you do for them and they don\u2019t remember the bad thing anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n

A perfect approach to repentance, one that reflects the Savior\u2019s atonement and how He would handle it, and when you take a complicated topic like mortal sin and man\u2019s reconciliation to God and simplify it, even a young child can understand it.<\/p>\n

So it seems ironic that the Church that taught us all of that stuff about saying you\u2019re sorry and seeking forgiveness doesn\u2019t always practice what it preaches. According to Dallin H. Oaks, who was an apostle when he said it and is now next in line to become president\/prophet, the Church doesn\u2019t \u201cseek apologies, and we don\u2019t give them.\u201d<\/p>\n

In a 2015 video chat interview with the Salt Lake Tribune, he also said, \u201cWe sometimes look back on issues and say, \u2018Maybe that was counterproductive for what we wish to achieve,\u2019 but we look forward and not backward.\u201d i<\/p>\n

And there\u2019s the problem: A church that proclaims to be the True Church, being led by a prophet who gets his marching orders from the Lord Himself, can\u2019t keep that image alive if it has to apologize all the time for past mistakes. That\u2019s what man-made churches do. It\u2019s another reason why we\u2019re a peculiar people, led by a peculiar church. So we never apologize or focus on the past, but just move on.<\/p>\n

In November 2015, the Church issued an infamous policy labeling all married gay couples \u201capostate,\u201d a serious and harsh term meant in earlier times to signify those in open rebellion to the Church. As such, they were subject to immediate excommunication. The policy also barred the children of these \u201capostates\u201d membership in the church, including blessings of record, baptisms, the Gift of the Holy Ghost, the priesthood, etc., until they turned 18, moved out of their parents\u2019 home, and denounced their lifestyle, and then only if their request for baptism was approved by the First Presidency. At the time, they said these new policies were done to make their status consistent with those in plural marriage.<\/p>\n

Now, less than four years later (a nanosecond in Church time for this), the Church announced last week that those policies from 2015 were being rescinded. Ironically (there\u2019s that I-word again), it was the same Dallin H. Oaks who made this official announcement. But he kept his word, didn\u2019t apologize, and didn\u2019t focus on the past. He didn\u2019t mention the exodus of so many good, faithful members who considered the 2015 policy the last straw and left the Church, and others whose testimonies were put on life support because of it.<\/p>\n

So I assume the Brethren got the answer they were seeking when the Lord told them, \u201cMaybe that was counterproductive for what you wish to achieve,\u201d and they were all in agreement\u2014no apology, don\u2019t look back, just move forward.<\/p>\n

For those of us who are hoping for a formal apology, I wouldn\u2019t hold your breath. Personally, I\u2019m hoping the next baby step is for them to stop using the term \u201csame-sex attraction\u201d and just call us Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender (I doubt they\u2019re ready for Queer anytime soon)\u2026and then label polygamists as those having \u201cmulti-wives attraction.\u201d That seems fair, doesn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n

[1] Peggy Fletcher Stark, \u201cNo apology?\u00a0 Really?\u00a0 Mormons question leader Dallin H. Oaks\u2019 stance,\u201d Salt Lake Tribune, 1\/30\/2015<\/p>\n

\u2014<\/p>\n

If you enjoyed this post, be sure to check out all posts in the\u00a0Two Degrees off Center<\/a>\u00a0blog series.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Muchos de los que crecimos en la Iglesia SUD (o en cualquier iglesia) recordamos que nos ense\u00f1aron lecciones sencillas pero importantes en la Primaria: Sea honesto, haga lo correcto, juegue bien y diga que lo siente. Incluso ense\u00f1amos a nuestros hijos desde el \u00fatero c\u00f3mo arrepentirse. <\/p>","protected":false},"author":25,"featured_media":24765,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_piecal_is_recurring":false,"_piecal_recurring_interval":1,"_piecal_recurring_frequency":"","_piecal_recurring_exact_position":false,"_piecal_recurring_end":"","_piecal_color":"","_piecal_text_color":"","_piecal_global_color_master":false,"_piecal_rsets":"[]","_piecal_is_event":false,"_piecal_start_date":"","_piecal_end_date":"","_piecal_is_allday":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1849,3211,1109],"tags":[1063,2655,1618],"newsletters":[],"class_list":["post-24762","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog","category-community-submissions","category-two-degrees-off-center","tag-november-2015-policy","tag-nov-15-policy-gay-families-reversal","tag-rich-keys"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nTwo Degrees off Center: If at First You Don\u2019t 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