{"id":2710,"date":"2013-03-01T19:20:14","date_gmt":"2013-03-02T02:20:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/affirmation.org\/?p=2710"},"modified":"2021-10-03T08:34:39","modified_gmt":"2021-10-03T14:34:39","slug":"affinity-march-2013","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/affirmation.org\/es\/afinidad-marzo-2013\/","title":{"rendered":"Affinity - Marzo de 2013"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Affirmation: Gay & Lesbian Mormons\u2014Serving LGBT Mormons and Their Family and Friends Since 1977<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\n\n\n
Inside This Issue<\/b><\/p>\n\"Michael<\/a>
\nUpcoming Social in SLC<\/a><\/strong><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\"Guy
\nTrey (left), Guy, Janessa (in Guy’s arms) and Emma Marie<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

Our Families: Trey and Guy<\/span><\/h2>\n

Trey: \u201cI wish I could go back and tell my 17-year-old self that it didn\u2019t just get better\u2014it got unbelievable\u201d<\/span><\/h3>\n

This is the latest installment in our series on LGBT Mormon families.<\/em><\/p>\n

It was a Phase<\/span><\/h3>\n

Trey:<\/em>\u00a0After our missions (to Korea and Sweden) in the early 80\u2019s, we both attended BYU. I met Guy for the first time when I joined Response, a group he also belonged to. He was the cute one in the group, but I was closeted, in fact attempting to change through \u201ctherapy.\u201d<\/p>\n

Guy:<\/em>\u00a0We weren\u2019t close friends, but for two years learned to like and respect each other at the time as we worked together at the student peace and human rights group. We had no idea the other was gay. In fact, neither of us knew anyone gay at BYU and, living in accordance with the Honor Code of the time, were deeply closeted.<\/p>\n

We graduated and went our separate ways in 1985. It wasn\u2019t meant to be.<\/p>\n

The Chance Meeting<\/span><\/h3>\n

Trey:<\/em>\u00a0I was asked to give a talk at Sunstone in Salt Lake City on the biology of sexuality in 1996. I declined on the advice of my Ph.D. advisor (I was getting a Ph.D. at the time in molecular biology) and my step-father. But a week before Sunstone, my mother called and insisted I go and give the talk. She didn\u2019t know why, but she insisted something amazing would happen there. The skeptic I am, I told her she\u2019d have to pay for the trip. It wasn\u2019t cheap, a flight from New York to SLC at the last minute, but she did. At the last minute, decided to go and give the talk.<\/p>\n

Guy:\u00a0<\/em>By this time, we\u2019d both finally come out. He was speaking at a Sunstone Symposium in Salt Lake where, sitting beside my mother, I whispered, \u201cI knew Warren at BYU. He\u2019s a great guy. Straight.\u201d Just then he announced from the podium, \u201cI\u2019m a gay Mormon male.\u201d I said, \u201cWell, so much for my gaydar!\u201d We hung out that weekend with a group of friends. The last night in Salt Lake we ended up talking until the wee hours of the morning, after which I left for Bryce Canyon and he for New York.<\/p>\n

Trey:<\/em>\u00a0I emailed Guy when I got home. I was completely enamoured of him. So I took a step I never did before. I wrote him an email and asked if he\u2019d consider dating long distance, by email.<\/p>\n

Guy:<\/em>\u00a0I definitely wasn\u2019t looking to date just yet as I\u2019d just come out of my first relationship, which was way too long. I had never really experienced single life yet. I thought, \u201cWell, perfect. The only way I\u2019d consider dating right then was from a long distance so we could to take it slowly, while hoping to eventually find the right guy, a real soul mate.<\/p>\n

Trey:<\/em>\u00a0We started writing emails. Long daily emails. I type fast and always have a lot to say. Before long he asked if we could talk on the phone instead.<\/p>\n

Guy:<\/em>\u00a0Well, so much for my intentions! We knew we\u2019d spend our lives together within a very few weeks of all night phone calls (often until the sun would rise in New York). Upon hanging up, there was still so much we wanted to share. It just felt so right, so wonderful.<\/p>\n

Trey:<\/em>\u00a0I knew I found my soulmate.<\/p>\n

Guy:<\/em>\u00a0I\u2019d been planning a move to San Francisco, as had he eventually, and I happened to get an offer accepted on our Victorian Haight Street home the very week we re-met. That next summer, 8 months after we remet in SLC, he moved to SLC briefly while we prepared for our move to our new home.<\/p>\n

Aside from four wonderful years in Heidelberg, Germany for Trey\u2019s post-doc and some additional time just outside DC, where we currently live for Trey\u2019s fellowship at the National Science Foundation, that home is where we\u2019ve lived ever since.<\/p>\n

Acceptance<\/span><\/h3>\n

Trey:<\/em>\u00a0My family, who are not LDS, accepted our relationship with open arms. It was immediate and loving. Guy\u2019s parents were amazing. The very first time I met his father, he gave me a huge hug and said \u201cwelcome to the family.\u201d His mother immediately let it be known I was another son \ud83d\ude42 .<\/p>\n

Guy:<\/em>\u00a0We were fortunate to be welcomed into each other\u2019s families and now have a great relationship with most family members. There are some relatives with whom we\u2019ve had painful relationships, but overall it\u2019s been really positive. When I first came out, that wasn\u2019t exactly the case. My poor, sweet mother even threw up when I told her. But my family has come a long way to being extremely supportive, in part thanks to the passage of time, seeing our happy lives, and to Family Fellowship for my parents (now nearly 90).<\/p>\n

Trey:<\/em>\u00a0I was still attending church at the time I met Guy. I was out and openly gay, but living in accordance with the Church rules. One day, my bishop called me. He heard I gave a talk at Sunstone that criticized the Church leaders. He said he read the text of the talk (though I never wrote it down) and it didn\u2019t seem to be critical at all. But he also heard I had a new relationship.<\/p>\n

Guy:<\/em>\u00a0I hadn\u2019t been active since shortly after leaving BYU, where the VP, my stake president, told me he greatly respected the way I\u2019d handled my situation, already in a relationship, and wished me well, so I decided to quit while I was ahead. Trey had devoted twenty years of his life to the church since he\u2019d joined at 17 under unusual circumstance (when he joined he was even denied the priesthood because he had a distant ancestor who was black) and against his family\u2019s wishes. Trey, ever honest and open, told the stake president about our commitment to each other. They held a court which we both attended and after three hours of searching, sincere questioning and despite what they said the high council would have decided had they had their way, the president said he had no choice but to \u201dfollow the handbook\u201d and excommunicate him. He felt that when Trey felt the loss of the spirit, he\u2019d realize the mistake of his ways.<\/p>\n

Trey:\u00a0<\/em>Upon hearing the decision I felt at peace and it was right for me. I could create the life I was meant to have.<\/p>\n

The Children<\/span><\/h3>\n

Trey:<\/em>\u00a0When I met Guy I was planning to adopt as a single father. I wanted four children and two dogs. I make very specific plans in life sometimes.<\/p>\n

Guy:<\/em>\u00a0I wasn\u2019t sure I wanted children. It was a little while after coming out I had decided I could never have children. When I was with my former partner I had finally come to peace with that, feeling I could \u201cmultiply and replenish the earth\u201d in many other ways than being a parent. So, we debated and eventually each convinced the other of our own positions and switched. In the end, we came to an agreement and pursued adoption. We settled finally on doing a private, domestic adoption even though we were by that time living in Europe.<\/p>\n

Trey:<\/em>\u00a0It took over 2 years after we made the decision. We had to find an adoption agency that would work with same-sex parents, US citizens living in Europe. After tens of thousands of dollars, lots of home visits and paperwork, we were matched. We flew back to meet the expectant birth mother and anticipated the day. We learned while in Germany that the baby was born unexpectedly immediately after our return, so we flew right back to pick up our new child! It wasn\u2019t to be. The mother changed her mind. So we returned to Germany, when soon after we got another call, there was a newborn near Seattle available for adoption. Guy immediately flew back to the US and I followed soon after. There we met our soon-to-be new 4lb 4oz baby daughter. We named her after our grandmothers, Emma Marie and took her home to Germany. We returned to the US by the time she was 1.<\/p>\n

Guy:<\/em>\u00a0We started the process for a second adoption a few years later. We wanted two children and Emma really wanted a sibling. After almost giving up after a few more years of trying through foster adoption, Janessa, then nearly 4, suddenly joined our family. Trey got a call one night and asked if we could take a child\u2026 that night. We asked for a one day delay as Guy was in Mexico. We had to let Emma know in the morning that by the time she got home from school, she\u2019d be a sister. The next day we had a meeting, they inspected our house again and brought our new daughter that afternoon. Janessa had a difficult and sad childhood to say the least and those first months were extremely difficult with lots of challenges, but she has made a lot of progress and is a really beautiful, sweet, girl.<\/p>\n

The girls are now 6 and 10 and our family is complete.<\/p>\n

The Marriage(s)<\/span><\/h3>\n

Guy:\u00a0<\/em>We had a commitment ceremony in December 1997 that we consider our most important anniversary as that, despite its lack of legal status, was where we formally committed to each other in front of most of our family and friends and truly felt the love and support of our community. We will always greatly cherish that time. At the time I don\u2019t know that we believed we\u2019d ever have the opportunity and blessing of a legal marriage.<\/p>\n

Trey:<\/em>\u00a0The ceremony was amazing and deeply spiritual. Our friends and family read from Walt Whitman and the Book of Mormon (Men are that they might have joy), beautiful music, Our good friend Trevor painted a canopy.<\/p>\n

A few years later California instituted Domestic Partnership and we took advantage of at least a semblance of legal recognition. I guess that was our second \u201cmarriage.\u201d<\/p>\n

Guy:<\/em>\u00a0Our third \u201cmarriage\u201d was the remarkable Valentine\u2019s Day weekend in 2004 when Mayor Newsom bravely opened up City Hall for weddings. We waited in line for two days with friends, who were also getting married, and our families, in order to make our commitment equal under the law. It was a huge pleasure seeing the thousands of committed couples and families like ours who, valuing the institution of marriage, were eager to commit their lives to one another with all the rights and responsibilities that accompany such a huge commitment. It was amazing, too, to see the love and support of the community, people coming out braving the cold and rain, bringing hot drinks, blankets and flowers to the couples waiting so long outside to enter and seal their love. Alas, it was very short lived when all our marriages were annulled (as we expected they would be, but still\u2026).<\/p>\n

Trey:<\/em>\u00a0Then, in 2008, about a week before the devastating Prop. 8 vote, we were married again in San Francisco City Hall (after a simple ceremony in front of friends and family in our home). This time it remained legal, in the eyes of the state of California anyway. That was our fourth \u201cmarriage.\u201d We hope and pray for the day that marriage equality is realized and our family and the many families like ours will be not only equal under the laws of the land, but also in the eyes and hearts of its citizens.<\/p>\n

Our Lives<\/span><\/h3>\n

Trey:\u00a0<\/em>Our lives have been deeply blessed. It hasn\u2019t been without its struggles, challenges and sorrows. 36 years ago I survived the suicide of my first love, a boy who brought me so much joy. It scarred and devastated me and I thought at that time that I\u2019d never find happiness. If a person from the future told me on that day 36 years ago that I\u2019d have a soulmate who I was committed to, loved and cherished decades later, I would have not believed it. But if it had turned out that was all that was true, it would have been enough. If you told me that we\u2019d have two sweet, wonderful daughters. I wouldn\u2019t have believed it, but it would have been enough. If then you told me that we\u2019d have a supportive, loving extended family and many close and wonderful friends. I\u2019d wouldn\u2019t have believed it, but it would have been enough. Then\u2026 if this person from the future told me that we be legally married, well, I would have had him committed.<\/p>\n

But it\u2019s all true. And we are blessed. I wish I could go back and tell my 17-year-old self that it didn\u2019t just get better\u2014it got unbelievable.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n
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Affirmation Calendar 2013<\/span><\/h3>\n

March 10
\nAffirmation New York Potluck<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

March 12
\nMormon rally for nondiscrimination at the Utah Capitol<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

March 16
\nLGBTQ Workshop at the University of Utah<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

March 26
\nSupreme Court hears oral arguments on Prop 8<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

March 31
\n“Sit with Me” Sunday<\/a><\/strong><\/td>\n

<\/td>\nApril 5
\nMormon LGBT\/SSA Social in Salt Lake City<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

April 5-6
\nAffirmation Leadership & Board Meeting in Salt Lake City<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

April 20
\nOne Voice Choir Concert in Salt Lake City<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

April 27
\nLDS LGBT-related Conference in Arizona<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

September 13-15
\nAffirmation Annual Conference in Salt Lake City, UT<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\"MichaelLDS artist Michael McLean<\/p>\n

\"Greg
\nLDS author Greg Prince<\/p>\n

\"\"
\nThe Hilton is located at 255 S. West Temple<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

Mormon LGBT\/SSA Social to be Held in Salt Lake City on General Conference Weekend<\/span><\/h2>\n

April 5 Event to Include Music by Michael McLean<\/span><\/h3>\n

by Randall Thacker<\/p>\n

All LGBT\/SSA Mormons, their families and friends, are invited to join us for a fabulous evening of learning, music, food, and socializing. LGBT Mormons and allies have been holding\u00a0well-attended monthly socials in Utah<\/a><\/strong>\u00a0since last December.<\/p>\n

In conjunction with LDS General Conference, an LDS LGBT\/SSA gathering and social will be held Friday evening, April 5 from 7-9:30 p.m. at the\u00a0Hilton Salt Lake City Center (255 S. West Temple)<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

The first part of the program (7:00 \u2013 8:00 pm) will feature LDS author Greg Prince who will speak about his book\u00a0David O. McKay and the Rise of Modern Mormonism<\/a><\/em><\/strong>. We will also have a performance by renowned musical artist\u00a0Michael McLean<\/a><\/strong>, followed by time to socialize and meet new friends over light appetizers and soft drinks.<\/p>\n

Invite your parents, family members, friends, church leaders, and others who love to socialize with LGBT\/SSA Mormons. Spread the word to your friends who are coming to town for general conference.<\/p>\n

<\/a>Affirmation Leadership and Board to Meet April 5-6 in Salt Lake City<\/span><\/h2>\n

Friday Meetings to Be Held at the Hilton Salt Lake City Center\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n

by Randall Thacker<\/p>\n

The Affirmation Board of Directors and Leadership Team will be meeting in Salt Lake City, April 5-6 in conjunction with LDS General Conference.<\/p>\n

Their administrative focused leadership meeting will be held all day Friday at the\u00a0Hilton Salt Lake City Center (255 S. West Temple)<\/a><\/strong>. Agenda items include defining Affirmation\u2019s brand and messaging for the future, board governance, developing the ally network, preparations for the annual conference, and outreach and membership processes.<\/p>\n

On Saturday April 6, those interested will be attending a session of general conference together. The other half of the day (TBD) we will have a leadership development workshop for all members of the LDS LGBT\/SSA community. Potential topics include leading change, leveraging our strengths, building relationships, and other general leadership principles.<\/p>\n

If you are interested in participating in any of these leadership sessions please RSVP by\u00a0contacting Sam Noble.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\"Mark
\nMark Schneider<\/p>\n
<\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

LGBT Mormons Represent Through the \u201cFaces of Affirmation\u201d Project<\/span><\/h2>\n

We are looking for people of all stripes to tell their stories as it relates to issues of LGBT identity and the Church<\/span><\/h3>\n

by Mark Schneider<\/p>\n

\u00bb\u00a0Send your story to Mark<\/a><\/strong>!<\/p>\n

It seems that Mormons, LGBT or straight, can never escape the burden of representing. We like to put on black name tags and march around town in formal wear, so everyone around can raise their gaze and say, \u201cYep, there\u2019s the Mormons.\u201d It\u2019s not everyone that gets so dressed up for Popeye\u2019s Chicken. We like to inconspicuously place \u201cpass along\u201d cards in returned library books and think giddily of who they might reach, who might join the Church \u2013 maybe even the librarian (he would make a great member). Does that Book of Mormon that I tossed to you like it was something you\u2019d wash your car with have an elaborately and punctiliously written testimony in the front cover with a picture of my gorgeous and happy family? I never knew!<\/p>\n

Yes, Mormons do their fair share of representing. Of course, discovering that you are LGBT and Mormon can put a damper on your zeal. Suddenly, the thought occurs to you that that male librarian might be gay and might be better off never hearing about the restored Gospel. You think this because, notwithstanding any positive impact on your life, you think you might have been better off without it. Some of us continue to believe, walking the tightrope, and some of us quietly walk away, hoping to never have to represent again, at least not Mormonism.<\/p>\n

But I contend that the burden to represent does not end for any of us, LGBT Mormons of belief or of background. Though our various representations might be different depending on where we situate ourselves, it is important to stand up and be counted. To be counted is to reflect the kind of culture we would like to see in the Church: a culture where LGBT people not only want to stay but would want to come and Church members could feel comfortable inviting them (indeed, sharing the Gospel). To be counted is also to clearly mark the paths available for LGBT Mormon youth, so they do not struggle to the same extent as people once did. Finally, to be counted is to make the world a more inclusive, friendlier place to be LGBT.<\/p>\n

So how can you be counted? How can you represent? For our purposes, to represent is to tell your story. We are looking for people of all stripes to tell their stories as it relates to issues of LGBT identity and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Paul has already told his as has Brett, so check these out to see what kind of stories are being told. We are very interested in diverse perspectives and, particularly, in voices that we don\u2019t hear as often: lesbians, transgender people, LGBT Mormons from around the world, and allies in the Church. If you would like to submit a story,\u00a0reach me by email<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

This is what we are calling the \u201cFaces of Affirmations\u201d project. You better represent.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

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\"me_250\"<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Feeling the Spirit on Capitol Hill<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

Vigils for Marriage Equality to Be Held across the Country<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

Spencer Clark to Represent Mormons at Prayer Service for Marriage Equality<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

Affirmation Contests LDS Amicus<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cAllowing People the Freedom to Plant Their Spiritual Roots\u201d<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

Mormons for Equality site<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

Joanna Brooks’ interview with John W. Mackay<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

Kevin Kloosterman’s reflections on his trip to Springfield, IL<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

Laura Compton’s account of LDS involvement in Prop 8<\/a><\/strong>\u00a0(Part 1 and\u00a0Part 2<\/a><\/strong>)<\/p>\n

Morris Thurston’s critique of the Church\u2019s amicus brief<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

Jon Huntsman’s statement on marriage equality<\/a><\/strong><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<\/div>\n

Affirmation Contests Proposition 8 Amicus Brief Filed by LDS Church<\/span><\/h2>\n

National Organization of Gay and Lesbian Mormons Challenges LDS Church on Landmark Civil Rights Case<\/span><\/h3>\n

Salt Lake City \u2013 February 4, 2013<\/strong>\u00a0\u2013 Affirmation: Gay and Lesbian Mormons, the leading international organization for gay and lesbian Mormons, today presented its perspective on the\u00a0Amicus Curiae brief<\/a><\/strong>\u00a0filed by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS) Church to the U.S. Supreme Court in support of Proposition 8. Affirmation is also requesting clarification from LDS church officials on whether same-sex couples with or without children will be welcomed within congregations of the Mormon Church.<\/p>\n

In contrast to the brief filed by the LDS Church, which hinges on the belief that a family can be only composed of a man, a woman and their children, Affirmation’s membership includes many same-sex couples, including couples who are providing foster care for children, have adopted children, or who are raising their own biological children. Affirmation firmly believes that these families deserve the same treatment, and the same legal and societal protection as opposite-sex couples and their children.<\/p>\n

In 2008, the LDS Church\u00a0more actively participated<\/a><\/strong>\u00a0to pass California\u2019s Proposition 8 than it had on any other political issue in the past. LDS officials urged members to become involved with the cause, who then contributed as much as half of the $40 million raised and up to 90 percent of the initial volunteer force to support the ballot measure.<\/p>\n

Since then, the Church has lessened its involvement in ballot initiatives involving marriage equality, assisted in passing a housing and employment non-discrimination act in Salt Lake City and launched\u00a0MormonsAndGays.org<\/a>, an official website encouraging church membership to reach out and love \u201call God\u2019s children, including our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters.\u201d<\/p>\n

Unfortunately, for many gay Mormons, their families, and fellow LDS Church members, the filing of the amicus brief calls into question the more inclusive tone and efforts the LDS church has made to address the needs of its LGBT members the past four years. The Church argues that marriage as an institution to bind parents to children is a public good that should be recognized and supported by the state, ignoring the fact that LGBT couples with children provide similar public good and deserve the same recognition and support from the state.<\/p>\n

\u201cI agree that churches should have the freedom to petition the government and that Proposition 8 should not be invalidated due to religious support of the initiative,\u201d said Affirmation President Randall Thacker. \u201cHowever, we believe Proposition 8 should be invalidated on the grounds that it denies protections to same-sex couples who have committed to care and provide for each other and their children, a grouping that is clearly defined as a family by the majority of society.\u201d<\/p>\n

Spencer Clark, President of Mormons for Marriage Equality and straight ally adds his voice stating, \u201cI agree with the Church that the law should promote strong families and stable environments for the raising of children. Unfortunately, Proposition 8 provides no additional benefits to straight couples while denying substantial benefits and legitimacy to gay and lesbian couples who are also raising children. The brief argues for a conception of marriage that blatantly ignores the hundreds of thousands of children in the United States being raised by same-sex couples, pretending that these loving families don\u2019t exist.<\/p>\n

\u201cI personally know and admire many loving gay families and find it unconscionable for them to be treated any differently under the law than I myself would like to be treated, and I invite everyone to get to know some of these families, who are our neighbors and fellow citizens.\u201d<\/p>\n

Affirmation advocates for LGBT Mormons, including those who are married, in a civil union or partnered with a member of their same sex. The organization firmly believes that marriage equality strengthens the institution of the family and that gay couples and their children deserve every societal and legal protection afforded to straight couples. Visit\u00a0www.affirmation.org<\/a><\/strong>\u00a0to learn more about the organization and read stories about the significance marriage means to gay couples and their families.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\"\"<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n\n\n\n
\"Peter
\nPeter van der Walt<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

The Alma Proposition<\/span><\/h2>\n

The more you try, the more it grows. Good seeds grow. Good seeds bring good fruit.<\/span><\/h3>\n

by\u00a0Peter van der Walt<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know you.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know your story, your background, or your experiences. I am not here to tell you that you must see as I do, think as I do, or believe as I do. I haven\u2019t found the truth–I\u2019m just another human looking for it, constantly. You may want to know\u00a0how\u00a0<\/strong><\/em>to grow your own faith in God. Something that works for\u00a0you<\/strong><\/em>\u00a0\u2013 not for me, or one of the million or so self-appointed experts all over the world.<\/p>\n

Maybe you already believe in God but feel distant from Him. Maybe you feel that you are not worthy. Maybe someone told you that you are not worthy. Maybe you haven\u2019t prayed in years. Maybe you are not sure whether God exists or not. Maybe someone taught you to hate God. Maybe you don\u2019t believe at all, ever or anymore, but something in you\u00a0wants<\/strong><\/em>\u00a0to.<\/p>\n

The good thing is this: it\u2019s not about what others say, what others do, how millions or billions of adherents or followers or brethren live and conduct their words, deeds, and thoughts.<\/p>\n

The traditional definition of a relationship with God is one (1) person and (1) God. Redefining THIS relationship is idolatry.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not about the sins committed by religionists, the strictures and codes of religious legalism, or the foot-in-mouth tendency of the religious who meddle in secular politics. It\u2019s not even about the judgment, abuse, discrimination, false teaching or even violence that may have been inflicted on you by the members of your own or another faith.<\/p>\n

This is about you and God.<\/p>\n

It is separate and distinct from any particular religious background. It is a relationship that exists, or could exist, between you and a Heavenly Father that is kind, just, decent and holy. He is a good guy, not a bad guy, like many of his ambassadors will pretend.<\/p>\n

You can find strength in that relationship. It can nourish you and nurture you–give you strength to deal with the religious and the non-religious alike. You can feel God\u2019s presence in your life.<\/p>\n

For a long time, I disbelieved entirely and totally. Then, one day, I read what seemed to me to be an infinitely rational, reasonable proposition.<\/p>\n

How do you\u00a0grow<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0faith if you don\u2019t know\u00a0how<\/em><\/strong>? Considering how negative the majority of religious inputs may be in your life, or how irrational a concept it seems.<\/p>\n

In Alma 32, I read how a \u201cdespised, shunned, cast-out, afflicted, unacceptable, not-good-enough\u201d group of people went to hear Alma preach. Alma preached about faith, and told them that they are those who say, \u201cIf thou wilt show unto us a sign from heaven, then we shall know of a surety; then we shall believe\u201d (v. 17).<\/p>\n

Alma\u2019s response to this ultimate challenge on faith is almost blunt; starting on verse 27, he asks them to AROUSE THEIR FACULTIES (not dumb it down, not oversimplify, not say just do it \u2018cause I say so). He tells them in that statement to start thinking, to start observing, to be willing to \u201cexperiment<\/strong><\/em>\u00a0upon his words.\u201d<\/p>\n

Start with a little trust \u2013whatever you can muster\u2013 and give it a go. See what happens. If it doesn\u2019t work, well–you lose very little. If it does work, try a little more.<\/p>\n

The more you try, the more it grows. Good seeds grow. Good seeds bring good fruit.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut behold, as the seed swelleth, and sprouteth, and beginneth to grow, then you must needs say that the seed is good; for behold it swelleth, and sprouteth, and beginneth to grow. And now, behold, will not this strengthen your faith? Yea, it will strengthen your faith: for ye will say I know that this is a good seed; for behold it sprouteth and beginneth to grow\u201d (verse 30).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

It\u2019s simple karma, really. What you focus on you get more of.<\/p>\n

If all you know is condemnation, then faith equals condemnation. Don\u2019t let them rob you; empower yourself. It does not have to be a choice between fanaticism and unbelief, reason and faith, love and justice.<\/p>\n

A billion people negotiate this issue in a billion different ways. You may like reading your scriptures. Or singing hymns. Or meditating. Or praying. Or fasting. Or serving. Work with your strengths, do what works for you.<\/p>\n

In his personal writings, Joseph Smith wrote: \u201cOur heavenly Father is more liberal in His views, and boundless in His mercies and blessings, than we are ready to believe or receive; and at the same time more terrible to the workers of iniquity, more awful in the executions of His punishments, and more ready to detect in every false way, than we are apt to suppose Him to be.\u201d<\/p>\n

Quorum of Twelve and First Presidency member Hugh B. Brown added: \u201cA sense of relationship and co-partnership with God involves the concept of universal brotherhood and that will help to develop intelligent tolerance, open-mindedness, and good-natured optimism. Life is really a battle between fear and faith, pessimism and optimism. Fear and pessimism paralyze men with skepticism and futility.\u201d<\/p>\n

Another of my favorite Hugh B. Brown quotes: \u201cNow I have mentioned freedom to express your thoughts, but I caution you that your thoughts and expressions must meet competition in the market place of thought, and in that competition truth will emerge triumphant. Only error needs to fear freedom of expression. Seek truth in all fields, and in that search you will need at least three virtues; courage, zest, and modesty. The ancients put that thought in the form of a prayer. They said, \u2018From the cowardice that shrinks from new truth, from the laziness that is content with half-truth, from the arrogance that thinks it has all truth\u2014O God of truth deliver us\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

So don\u2019t be afraid, and don\u2019t let yourself be bullied. Develop your relationship with God, so that you stand in a position of strength. Go ahead. Shake things up. Try a little and see what you get.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\"Affirmation<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

2013 Annual Affirmation Conference: \u201cNew Frontiers\u201d<\/span>
\nTo be held in Salt Lake City September 13-15<\/span><\/p>\n

With activities and workshops specifically for parents, families, youth, friends, and church leaders, the 2013 Affirmation conference will be more fun, musical, spiritual, and educational than you can imagine! The conference will officially kick off Friday afternoon, lasting through Sunday.<\/p>\n

Cost:<\/strong><\/em>\u00a0This year\u2019s conference registration fee will be only $99 or less depending on how much of the conference you plan to attend. This is a major reduction in cost from previous conferences. We also negotiated an especially low rate for\u00a0the hotel<\/a><\/strong>: $99 for 2 people, $109 for 3 people, and $119 for 4 people per night.<\/p>\n

Transportation:<\/strong><\/em>\u00a0For the first time ever, you will be able to travel from the Salt Lake City airport to the conference without a taxi or a rental car: The city is expanding the light rail system to the airport, and getting to the University Guesthouse will be as simple as hopping onto the light rail and changing from the green line to the red line at the Courthouse station in downtown Salt Lake.<\/p>\n

The Planning Committee,<\/strong><\/em>\u00a0is hard at work, and we expect to open registration soon. If you have suggestions for conference speakers or events, this is the time to share them with us.\u00a0Contact Doug Balls\u00a0or talk with the committee in person at the\u00a0April 5 social<\/a><\/strong>\u00a0to be held in Salt Lake City.<\/p>\n

Please make plans to join us September 13-15 in Salt Lake City for an unforgettable event. You\u2019ll be glad you came.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\"JaredJared Ripplinger<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

LGBT Mormons and Allies Share Bonds, Music, Food<\/span><\/h2>\n

Diversity Celebrated at West Valley Social<\/span><\/h3>\n

By Corey Howard<\/p>\n

Utah\u2019s March LDS\/LGBT Monthly social was held at the lovely home of Sarah Irish Nicholson in West Valley.<\/p>\n

As we all arrived, and the kitchen island filled with an array of delicious food brought by everyone, the house was humming with everyone becoming acquainted, or renewing acquaintance from past socials and other circles. It was great to have children present and participating\u2014spreading their own sunshine through the room.<\/p>\n

After a spiritually sweet opening prayer, we arranged ourselves in and around Sarah\u2019s wonderfully long feast-type table and family room.\u00a0Dr. William Bradshaw<\/a><\/strong>\u00a0presented the spiritual message. Dr. Bradshaw is well-known as an ally, and his background as a retired professor of Biology from BYU equips him with a vital source of the solid, scientific knowledge we need. Many people openly spoke of their anticipation to meet and hear from him. His remarks went beyond biology and into the realm of compassion, addressing the flawed clich\u00e9 of \u201cLove the Sinner, Hate the Sin\u201d. Dr. Bradshaw illustrated the broken behavior we promote by introducing Hate into the equation in any form. He has generously agreed to share his presentation in digital form, and we hope to make that accessible soon.<\/p>\n

After Dr. Bradshaw\u2019s remarks, everyone in the room gave a short introduction of themselves. As one of the group said : \u201cIt allowed for easy conversation and connection for the rest of the evening. As always, the best part was the opportunity for new friendships and connections. I was uplifted to witness the fellowship, hope, love, and laughter present among everyone.\u201d<\/p>\n

There were about 30 people present, from organized groups such as Affirmation, Family Fellowship, Mormons Building Bridges, Reconciliation, and USGA (BYU). There were also people attending who \u201cheard it through the grapevine\u201d.<\/p>\n

Jared Ripplinger<\/a><\/strong>\u00a0was our musical guest on viola\u2014and for future reference, we need to ask him to play more than one number. He has written music since a very young age, and on this occasion performed \u201cThou Gracious God Whose Mercy Lends\u201d. It was beautiful. He has released five albums\u2014the most recent being \u201cSpectrum\u201d.<\/p>\n

Scott Nicholson (from the\u00a0Utah Gay Fathers Association<\/a><\/strong>) provided karaoke, and after another long period of socializing, the singing began. The majority of those brave enough were the band of young people from BYU. Their uninhibited enthusiasm made the music a success, and the fun lasted until about midnight, when they left to make the ride back home to Utah County.<\/p>\n

One strength of this gathering is the bringing together of many perspectives of people who are in varying stages and positions as LDS\/LGBT members, partners, and allies. Especially timely this month, as one guest was a father whose teen son came out only a few weeks before. This father is in the process of trying to learn and gather information. He expressed gratitude for the love and welcome he felt.<\/p>\n

Scott and Sarah Nicholson were troopers. Sarah having broken her wrist, and undergone surgery only the day before the event. Their family set a tone of fun and welcome. The next day, after a late night house full of people, Sarah said it had lifted her spirits. This is representative of how everyone feels at the socials.<\/p>\n

Some quotes from those who attended:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI love the multi generational diversity that we have at these gatherings…. Also the variety of individuals: LGBT , MOM, and allies. Would love to see some church leadership show up at these gatherings. We should invite the prophet! Wouldn’t that be cool!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMany thanks – my kids had a really good time. One especially enjoyed having a place to hang out that was safe and not sexually charged, which he’s trying to stay away from. I think a supportive multi-generational setting is really helpful in this respect…\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe met some great people, most of whom are parents of LGBT. I enjoyed meeting the kids from BYU. Cute doesn’t cover it. My husband says he felt a tremendous outpouring of the spirit and that everyone was so kind. “The openness and willingness of others to share their life stories and experiences was remarkable.” We compared how we were treated as parents of autistic children and their experiences as the parents of a gay child. Rejection was the key similarity. We talked about how hard it is to stay involved with your neighbors when they actively reject your children.\u201d<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\"John
\nAttorney John W. Mackay<\/a><\/strong>\u00a0is one of many Latter-day Saints who believe in marriage equality<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

\u201cAllowing People the Freedom to Plant Their Spiritual Roots\u201d<\/span><\/h2>\n

On the Eve of Supreme Court Debate on Prop 8, a Growing Number of Mormons Are Coming Out in Support of Marriage Equality<\/span><\/h3>\n

by Hugo Salinas<\/p>\n

Three weeks from today, the U.S. Supreme Court will hear oral arguments on Prop 8. Lawyers working for the LDS Church recently filed an amicus brief restating arguments against marriage equality, yet none of those arguments changes the reality of the historic time we live in: Today, a record\u00a061 percent of Californians support marriage equality<\/a><\/strong>, and a majority of young Americans\u00a0also support same-sex marriage<\/a><\/strong>. Do you know what that means? Even if the Supreme Court were to rule against marriage equality, LDS leaders are fighting a cause that they already lost in the court of public opinion.<\/p>\n

For me, nothing is more hopeful than what I see at the grassroots: A growing number of Latter-day Saints who support equality not\u00a0despite\u00a0their religious beliefs, but\u00a0because\u00a0of them. Many Mormons today find inspiration in LDS teachings about justice and equality. To paraphrase a scripture we all learned in seminary, many Latter-day Saints want to \u201cbring to pass much righteousness,\u201d \u201cdo many things of their own free will,\u201d and \u201cbe anxiously engaged in a good cause\u201d (D&C 58:27). Not merely engaged, but\u00a0anxiously\u00a0engaged in good cause!<\/p>\n

There are many examples of this dramatic move\u2014from the grassroots organization\u00a0Mormons for Equality<\/a><\/strong>\u00a0to prominent Latter-day Saints like Democrat\u00a0Harry Reid\u00a0and Republican\u00a0Jon Huntsman<\/a><\/strong>. Morris A. Thurston, a Mormon lawyer from California, recently wrote a\u00a0critique of the Church\u2019s amicus brief<\/a><\/strong>\u00a0in which he compares some of the arguments the LDS Church is making for Prop 8 to the kind of discrimination that once banned interracial marriage. Kevin Kloosterman, who until last year served as an LDS bishop,\u00a0joined a coalition of clergy and faith leaders\u00a0on a press conference in support marriage equality in Illinois. Spencer Clark, executive director of Mormons for Equality, joined Affirmation leaders in a\u00a0response to the LDS brief\u00a0by saying, \u201cI personally know and admire many loving gay families and find it unconscionable for them to be treated any differently under the law than I myself would like to be treated and I invite everyone to get to know some of these families, who are our neighbors and fellow citizens.\u201d<\/p>\n

The most recent of these Mormon voices calling for equality is John W. Mackay, an LDS lawyer from Utah who co-authored a\u00a052-page amicus brief in support of marriage equality<\/a><\/strong>. \u201cIn places like Utah, there is a system of laws that chips away at hope and dignity at every step in the life of a gay man or lesbian woman,\u201d Mackay\u00a0told LDS author Joanna Brooks<\/a><\/strong>. \u201cAnd to me, that was compelling enough, but it was also compelling to me that those are the same spiritual principles I identify within my Mormon faith. We care about human dignity and potential; we care about allowing people the freedom to plant their spiritual roots.\u201d<\/p>\n

I want to invite you to think about the historic moment we live in\u2014a time when a majority of Americans no longer believe that same-sex marriage is a curse, but a blessing; not a threat to society, but one of its strengths. At this time, we join people of all faiths and stripes who believe, just like we do, that governments must make and administer laws \u201cfor the good and safety of society\u201d (D&C 134:1) and that \u201chappiness is the object and design of our existence\u201d (Joseph Smith, April 1842).<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\"\"<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

Mormons to Rally for Nondiscrimination<\/span><\/h2>\n

March 12 at 5:00 pm at the Utah Capitol<\/span><\/h3>\n

A group of faithful Latter-day Saints will gather at the south steps of the Utah Capitol on March 12 to rally in support of nondiscrimination. The event is being organized by Spencer W. Clark, executive director of\u00a0Mormons for Equality<\/a><\/strong>, and other Mormons who want Utah to pass legislation against discrimination.<\/p>\n

\u201cThis is a faith-based family event for members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to show our Mormon values of pure, unconditional love and inclusion,\u201d the rally announcement reads. \u201cWe support nondiscrimination in our state, and believe that as disciples of Christ we must protect the most vulnerable among us.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe will gather under the American flag at the south Capitol steps respectfully as families with children and strollers, wearing our Sunday best, carrying signs with the words of the Prophets, scriptures, and our Mormon hymns and songs.\u201d<\/p>\n

Program<\/span><\/h3>\n

4:00 p.m.: Setup<\/p>\n

5:00 p.m. – 6:00 p.m.: Event; speakers TBD<\/p>\n

Opening Prayer
\nOpening Hymn: Come, Come Ye Saints, #30
\nChildren’s Chorus: “I’m Trying to Be Like Jesus”;\u00a0parents, please accompany your primary-aged children who would like to join in to the top of the steps to sing before the assembly<\/em>
\nSlow march from the Capitol steps to the promenade and back
\nClosing Hymn: God Be With You Till We Meet Again, #152
\nClosing Prayer<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

This is one of several Mormon groups supporting an anti-discrimination bill currently under discussion at the Utah Capitol. Mormons Building Bridges has also\u00a0issued a statement\u00a0in support of a statewide anti-discrimination bill. In November 2009, the LDS Church endorsed an employment and housing non-discrimination act in Salt Lake City which was the model for similar ordinances passed by 15 cities across Utah.<\/p>\n

For more information about this event and ideas for signs, visit\u00a0the group’s Facebook invitation<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\"Mormons<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

Mormons Building Bridges Announces Its Support for Statewide Anti-Discrimination Bill in Utah<\/span><\/h2>\n

Statement: \u201cPonder this issue and consider Jesus\u2019 teaching to do unto others as you would have them do unto you\u201d<\/span><\/h3>\n

From a statement posted on the\u00a0Mormons Building Bridges website<\/a><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cMormons Building Bridges is happy to lend its support for legislation sponsored by Equality Utah that will ban discrimination based on sexual orientation and\/or gender identity in housing and employment. In 2009, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was instrumental in the passage of the Salt Lake City municipal ordinance that guaranteed LGBT people the right to work and have a roof over their heads without being discriminated against. Since then, fifteen municipalities including West Valley City, Taylorsville, and Logan have passed similar statutes. Passage of this latest bill will extend these protections to all Utahns.<\/p>\n

\u201cMormons Building Bridges is an organization devoted to reaching out to the LGBT community and making our congregations safe and welcoming for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people. Our religion teaches us the Golden Rule; securing basic housing and workplace rights for all our brothers and sisters puts that principle into action. We encourage our fellow church members to ponder this issue and consider Jesus’ teaching to do unto others as you would have them do unto you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Mormons Building Bridges is one of several LDS groups supporting an anti-discrimination bill currently under discussion at the Utah Capitol. Another Mormon group will\u00a0gather at the south steps of the Utah Capitol on March 12<\/a><\/strong>\u00a0to also rally in support of the bill.<\/p>\n

A longer version<\/a><\/strong>\u00a0of the Mormons Building Bridges statement is posted on their website.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\"John<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

Affirmation Vice President Featured on CNN<\/span><\/h2>\n

John Gustav-Wrathall: \u201cAre we going to send people a message that you have to lie or hide?\u201d<\/span><\/h3>\n

by Hugo Salinas<\/p>\n

Affirmation Senior Vice President John Gustav-Wrathall was featured today on CNN\u2019s\u00a0OutFront\u00a0show with Erin Burnett in a\u00a0segment about the \u201cMormon influence on Boy Scouts as [the] organization reconsiders [its] gay ban<\/a><\/strong>.\u201d The LDS Church, which sponsors over 30,000 Boys Scouts units nationwide, issued\u00a0a statement today<\/a><\/strong>\u00a0praising the Boy Scouts of America for delaying a decision that could have lifted the ban on gays being allowed in the program.<\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t see how being gay, having that sexual orientation, should be any kind of hindrance at all to participating fully in the Church in youth activities which include the Boy Scouts,\u201d said John, who is an Eagle Scout and is active in his local ward, despite the fact that he was excommunicated in 1986.<\/p>\n

\u201cI just talked to an individual who is active in the Church today; he is gay, and he served as a Scoutmaster,\u201d John added. \u201cThere are so many of us who have participated for a long time\u2014our behavior within the organization has been exemplary. The question here is, \u2018Are we going to send people a message that you have to lie or hide, [or] live in fear that other people are going to find out about this?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI came to a point in my life journey when I almost committed suicide because of my anguish about this,\u201d John concluded. \u201cAnd to be open about it\u2014this is a huge thing if you\u2019re gay or lesbian.\u201d<\/p>\n

One week ago, Affirmation: Gay & Lesbian Mormons issued a statement\u00a0urging the Boy Scouts of America to allow LGBT Mormon youth to participate fully<\/a><\/strong>\u00a0in the youth programs of their wards.<\/p>\n

<\/a>Additional Stories Recently Posted on the Affirmation Website and Blog<\/span><\/h2>\n

Kerry L. Rutz (1959 \u2013 2013)<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

One Voice Choir to Present Concert<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

MormonsAndGays Website Mentioned in \u2018The Ensign\u2019<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

Mormons to Hold LGBT-related Conference in Arizona<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

Brother Kloosterman Goes To Springfield<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

Still Straight after All These Years: The Boy Scouts of America<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

Lee Beckstead and Jim Struve to Facilitate LGBTQ Workshop<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Afirmaci\u00f3n: Mormones gays y lesbianas: al servicio de los mormones LGBT y sus familiares y amigos desde 1977 En este n\u00famero Nuestras familias: Trey y Guy Calendario de Afirmaci\u00f3n Se realizar\u00e1 una reuni\u00f3n social mormona LGBT\/SSA en Salt Lake City durante el fin de semana de la Conferencia General El liderazgo y la junta de Afirmaci\u00f3n se reunir\u00e1n el 5 y 6 de abril en Salt Lake City Los mormones LGBT representan a trav\u00e9s de\u2026<\/p>","protected":false},"author":25,"featured_media":13173,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_piecal_is_recurring":false,"_piecal_recurring_interval":1,"_piecal_recurring_frequency":"","_piecal_recurring_exact_position":false,"_piecal_recurring_end":"","_piecal_color":"","_piecal_text_color":"","_piecal_global_color_master":false,"_piecal_rsets":"[]","_piecal_is_event":false,"_piecal_start_date":"","_piecal_end_date":"","_piecal_is_allday":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1849],"tags":[268,787,241,444],"newsletters":[],"class_list":["post-2710","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog","tag-268","tag-affinity","tag-march","tag-newsletter"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nAffinity - 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