{"id":20644,"date":"2018-09-25T06:42:06","date_gmt":"2018-09-25T12:42:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/affirmation.org\/?p=20644"},"modified":"2021-10-03T15:31:04","modified_gmt":"2021-10-03T21:31:04","slug":"blaire-ostler-mormom-queer","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/affirmation.org\/pt\/blaire-ostler-mormom-queer\/","title":{"rendered":"N\u00e3o vou fingir que sou outra coisa sen\u00e3o o que sou: m\u00f3rmon e gay"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Blaire<\/p>\n

por Blaire Ostler<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ol\u00e1. Eu estou Blaire Ostler<\/a>. Sou um m\u00f3rmon nascido e criado. Venho de nove gera\u00e7\u00f5es de pioneiros m\u00f3rmons. Costumo brincar que, se existe um gene m\u00f3rmon, eu o tenho. Tamb\u00e9m sou uma variante de g\u00eanero, pansexual sexualmente fluido, mas na maioria das vezes me refiro a mim mesmo como queer<\/a>. Se houver um gene queer, tenho quase certeza de que o tenho.<\/p>\n

Notei pela primeira vez que sentia atra\u00e7\u00e3o por mulheres durante a puberdade. Sinceramente, n\u00e3o pensei muito nisso porque tamb\u00e9m me sentia atra\u00edda por homens. Em minha mente jovem, pensei que todos se sentiam atra\u00eddos por mulheres. Achava que era normal at\u00e9 que me disseram o contr\u00e1rio. Enquanto crescia, ouvi minha fam\u00edlia, colegas e amigos usarem a palavra queer de maneira depreciativa. Para mim, era f\u00e1cil fingir que aqueles coment\u00e1rios homof\u00f3bicos n\u00e3o eram feitos para mim porque eu tamb\u00e9m gostava de homens. Certamente, eu n\u00e3o era \u201crealmente gay\u201d. Em retrospecto, \u00e9 mais f\u00e1cil ver como n\u00e3o me incluir sob o guarda-chuva estranho foi uma forma de me proteger da rejei\u00e7\u00e3o por aqueles que eu mais amava. S\u00f3 quando j\u00e1 era adulto \u00e9 que adotei o r\u00f3tulo de "bissexual" para descrever minha orienta\u00e7\u00e3o sexual.<\/p>\n

A luta constante por um bissexual, pelo menos no meu caso, nunca foi a sensa\u00e7\u00e3o de que voc\u00ea pertence a algum lugar. Eu nunca fui gay o suficiente e nunca fui hetero o suficiente. Ficou claro que eu n\u00e3o era como as outras garotas heterossexuais pelas quais me encontrei cercado, mas, ao mesmo tempo, senti que tamb\u00e9m n\u00e3o pertencia \u00e0 comunidade LGBTQ +. Eu era esquisito o suficiente para sentir a rejei\u00e7\u00e3o social, o isolamento e a desesperan\u00e7a que vem com ser gay, mas, ao mesmo tempo, minha atra\u00e7\u00e3o por homens me exclu\u00eda da comunidade queer. Da perspectiva da comunidade heterossexual, eu estava apenas buscando aten\u00e7\u00e3o, confuso ou passando por uma fase. Do ponto de vista da comunidade queer, eu estava me enganando e com medo de enfrentar o fato de que era ineg\u00e1vel e exclusivamente homossexual.<\/p>\n

Levei anos para me sentir confort\u00e1vel com minha identidade de mulher homossexual. A verdade \u00e9 que sou gay, hetero e sou tudo no meio. Em vez de me perceber como insuficiente de qualquer identidade, comecei a me ver como suficiente, independentemente da minha identidade. Eu perten\u00e7o \u00e0 comunidade heterossexual e perten\u00e7o \u00e0 comunidade queer. Escolher um lado seria enganoso.<\/p>\n

Para mim, minha orienta\u00e7\u00e3o sexual e meu mormonismo t\u00eam paralelo em minhas lutas como mulher bissexual. Eu me senti puxado entre duas comunidades que amo muito, ouvindo as mesmas vozes gritando: \u201cEscolha um lado! Escolher um lado! Voc\u00ea n\u00e3o pode ser m\u00f3rmon e bicha \u201d. A verdade \u00e9 que n\u00e3o posso negar minha identidade m\u00f3rmon, motiva\u00e7\u00e3o e cren\u00e7as mais do que poderia negar que sou atra\u00eddo por v\u00e1rios g\u00eaneros. Ambas as identidades, m\u00f3rmon e queer, s\u00e3o parte de mim e n\u00e3o tenho inten\u00e7\u00e3o de renunciar a nenhuma delas.<\/p>\n

Mesmo assim, acabo me afastando da comunidade SUD. Como mulher e feminista, sinto-me exclu\u00edda, marginalizada e negligenciada dentro da organiza\u00e7\u00e3o patriarcal. N\u00e3o s\u00f3 sofro discrimina\u00e7\u00e3o devido \u00e0 minha orienta\u00e7\u00e3o sexual, mas tamb\u00e9m pelo meu g\u00eanero. \u00c0s vezes, pode parecer que h\u00e1 obst\u00e1culos intranspon\u00edveis a superar para ser inclu\u00eddo como um membro integral da comunidade que \u00e9 digno plena participa\u00e7\u00e3o e aceita\u00e7\u00e3o<\/a>. Minha comunidade SUD diz: \u201cEu te amo\u201d, mas suas a\u00e7\u00f5es, ret\u00f3rica e normas sugerem o contr\u00e1rio. O suposto amor deles deveria vir com ataques civis \u00e0 minha identidade? A polidez pode desculpar suas a\u00e7\u00f5es e omiss\u00f5es? O amor deles por mim deveria me dar vontade de morrer?<\/a> Como isso poderia ser amor? N\u00e3o consigo imaginar que o amor deva ser assim. As palavras \u201cEu te amo\u201d parecem falsas nesse contexto.<\/p>\n

Embora meu relacionamento com a Igreja SUD esteja em conflito, estranhamente me encontro mais m\u00f3rmon do que nunca<\/a>. Al\u00e9m do mormonismo permanecer como um aspecto essencial da minha identidade, eu ainda acredito. Ainda encontro realiza\u00e7\u00e3o espiritual em meu mormonismo. Sou m\u00f3rmon e veado. N\u00e3o vejo nenhuma raz\u00e3o para fingir que sou outra coisa sen\u00e3o o que eu sou<\/a>- uma filha esquisita de Deus encontrando seu caminho para se tornar igual Eles<\/a>.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Para mim, minha orienta\u00e7\u00e3o sexual e meu mormonismo t\u00eam paralelo em minhas lutas como mulher bissexual. Eu me senti puxado entre duas comunidades que amo muito. A verdade \u00e9 que n\u00e3o posso negar minha identidade, motiva\u00e7\u00e3o e cren\u00e7as m\u00f3rmons mais do que posso negar que sou atra\u00eddo por v\u00e1rios g\u00eaneros.<\/p>","protected":false},"author":25,"featured_media":20647,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_piecal_is_recurring":false,"_piecal_recurring_interval":1,"_piecal_recurring_frequency":"","_piecal_recurring_exact_position":false,"_piecal_recurring_end":"","_piecal_color":"","_piecal_text_color":"","_piecal_global_color_master":false,"_piecal_rsets":"[]","_piecal_is_event":false,"_piecal_start_date":"","_piecal_end_date":"","_piecal_is_allday":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[127],"tags":[370,2011,1854,2010,766],"newsletters":[],"class_list":["post-20644","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-faces","tag-bisexual","tag-blaire-ostler","tag-queer","tag-transhumanism","tag-women"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nI'm Not Going to Pretend I\u2019m Anything Other Than What I Am: Mormon and Queer<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"For me, my sexual orientation and my Mormonism are paralleled in my struggles as a bisexual woman. 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