Michael Haehnel
Eternity has changed. It is no longer the infinite straight line for the chosen few. It is here and now in the ever-expanding universe of ways of believing and being: the diversity of cultures, races, ethnicities, religions, philosophies, personalities, abilities, moralities, genders, sexualities, interests, esthetics, values…and on and on.
Coming out as gay became a template for more changes in my life. I began to ask myself, “If I mistakenly cast my queerness as a deficiency, what about other character traits that I thought were weaknesses?” Like a spiral of dominoes, I put down my put-downs and saw myself take shape.
God had told him to tell me I was okay. It took me more than thirty years to finally understand that. And when I finally understood and then looked back, I saw that God had been trying to tell me that all along.
To tell our youth that any sexual activity is tantamount to murder and to threaten them with God’s wrath is not only dishonest: it is destructive. Our youth want to do the right things; they believe their parents and church leaders. Their spirituality—like the emotional, social, intellectual and sexual aspects of their lives—is undergoing rapid and precarious development. These are not times for unfounded exaggerations and threats of damnation.
As I began my drive, I viewed the hillsides, fields, and woodlands here in upstate New York. Such scenery has become my chapel of holy reflection, and I was lost in the beauty of my surroundings. Despite the fact that the snows have only just receded and the color scheme is still tawny, slate, and charcoal, I still see God’s creation in all of it. I find God in nature, and God finds me there, too.
It is credible, therefore, to infer that the “these things” he was referring to are in fact any activities that lead to others’ loss of faith. Alma would have his son and anyone within the sound of his voice understand that spiritual injury to others is comparable to physical violence.
Line upon line, God taught me to be more comfortable with my queerness. Then, one miraculous day, I was ready to learn the greatest truth of all about my queerness.
Society is coming to the truth that gender and sexuality do not fit neatly into boxes, that they entail numerous gradations, that they may be fluid, and how individuals respond to their own gender and sexuality is really a matter of individual agency.
I also view the present moment with the belief that God knows all, loves all, and will make all things right. I wish for some kind of reckoning in the here and now, but failing that, I believe an accounting will be had.