My Life Adrift

by Luiz Correa

How often in our lives to we feel lost, like we’re in the middle of nowhere, unaware of which direction we should go to? How often do we feel like we’re alone in a boat in the middle of the ocean, trying to pilot in a straight line with our religious life on our port and our sexual orientation or gender identity on our starboard? How many times have we wanted to go one way or the other, or maybe both were it possible to do so without splitting the boat and surely sinking? I have, and when trying to make these decisions, not even a compass could tell me which direction to go.

Where does it say in the scriptures that I can’t follow my religion while living a fulfilling life as a gay man? Navigating these waters, I’ve always felt I needed to decide on which side of these realities in which to sail, listening to church leaders tell me that I must go one way or the other. My spirituality has suffered, yet I’ve always tried to be a spiritual person.

I’ve felt the hand of the Lord guiding me, telling me that I shouldn’t lose myself, that I should be who I am inside and out. His hand guiding me which way I should sail. But it’s me in the boat in the middle of the ocean, and it’s up to me to pilot into the horizon, whatever the direction. My fate is mine alone.

No matter where I steer, I know there will be rough seas and that others will criticize my direction. There will be tidal waves and tsunamis that will come aggressively me, bringing violence criticism saying that how I’m living is not right and not from God. But I know I’m now fully alone. Even in the midst of troubles, I have God to direct and protect me.

With God’s guidance, I can have confidence that I can navigate anywhere without getting lost or regretting the coarse I’ve chosen, The certainty that I am a child of the Father gives me confidence in the choices I make, and in the direction I sail. I know He welcomes me and knows how difficult it was to be drifting on the high seas for years, not knowing which way to go, and hoping that Somebody would decide for me.