Joel McDonald, Remarks from the 2024 Affirmation International Conference

Remarks from Joel McDonald, Affirmation senior vice president, during the 2024 Affirmation International Conference.

Transcript provided courtesy of Joel:

—

Good evening!

My name is Joel McDonald, and I serve as Affirmation’s senior vice president. On behalf of the Affirmation executive committee and board of directors, I welcome you to the 2024 Affirmation International Conference, being hosted here at the Ogden Eccles Conference Center in Ogden, Utah.

In addition to those with us in person, we are joined by many virtual attendees from around the nation and various countries worldwide. We are making portions of this conference, including this session, available virtually in English and Spanish. I extend a special greeting to all those participating with us virtually.

The mission of Affirmation is to create worldwide communities of safety, love, and hope and promote understanding, acceptance, and self-determination of individuals of diverse sexual orientations, gender identities and expressions.

We affirm the inherent self-worth of LGBTQIA+ individuals as complete, equal, and valuable persons and support them as they define their individual spirituality and intersection with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

As we consider the mission of Affirmation and begin this conference, I want us to mentally and spiritually prepare ourselves to receive what this conference has to offer.

Matt Price, Affirmation’s founder, encouraged us to not forget the work of the Spirit and to remember the need for prayer and reflection as we individually and collectively navigate being LGBTQIA+ and our experience and intersection with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Let’s take a few moments to center ourselves on our purpose here.

If you’re comfortable, please close your eyes.

Take a deep breath. In. Out.

I’m going to share my hopes for this conference with you. I invite you to reflect on them, think about your own hopes, and maybe offer a silent prayer, asking that our hopes materialize.

I hope that the Spirit is present with us during this conference.

I hope that we will each reflect the fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, patience, peace, gentleness, goodness, and faith.

I hope that we will collectively create spaces of safety, love, and hope for all during this conference.

I hope that we will each celebrate our own journeys toward authenticity while equally celebrating the journeys of others, even if our goals and paths may not be the same.

I hope that we will make positive and impactful connections with one another that will endure beyond this conference.

I hope that when we leave this conference and this place on Sunday, we will leave having been uplifted and edified, and that there will only be memories of the good that will happen here.

I share these hopes and say amen, let it be so. Amen, and amen.

Thank you for joining me in that meditation or prayer. I hope, even if in small part, that it will help us each make the best of this conference.

I’d like to share with you a story.

Many years ago, I traveled to upstate New York to audition for what I hoped would be my big break on Broadway.

The audition was being held at the mansion of a wealthy but eccentric woman, someone who financed many shows.

Getting to her mansion was challenging, as a snowstorm was moving through the region. I braved the weather, knowing I might not get another opportunity like this again.

The entire production team, including the producer, writer, lyricist, and director, was there.

In addition to me, there were several other actors, singers, and dancers there to audition.

Our goal was to bring this new show to life in hopes that our host would provide the money needed to stage the show on Broadway.

Of course, if the show was financed, that may mean we’d be a part of a new Broadway show.

It was very exciting.

It had been snowing pretty hard by the time everyone arrived, but the storm became even worse while we were rehearsing.

Then the power went out.

The phone went dead.

And the amount of snow made it impossible to leave. The roads were impassable.

We had no choice but to light some candles and wait out the storm.

We didn’t know that, in addition to being trapped by the snowstorm without power or a phone, a dark figure was making their way through the secret corridors of the mansion, seemingly intent on murder.

There had been some notable untimely deaths of chorus girls lately, attributed to what the media was calling “The Stage Door Slasher.”

We spent most of the night avoiding encountering this shadowy figure, either hiding or narrowly escaping them as they made their way from room to room, looking for their next victim.

Through some fortuitous events, we were able to stop the Slasher.

This may have ended the immediate danger to our lives, but we were still without power or the ability to call for help.

In the quiet of the candlelit music room, one of the actresses encouraged us to gather together, join hands, and pray that the power would be restored and that we would be able to call for help.

Awkwardly, we did. We joined hands. We prayed. And as we prayed, miraculously, the power was restored.

With power restored and the phone line working, we were able to call for help and make arrangements to leave.

Sadly, the show was not funded, but at least we made it out with our lives.

Now, if that sounds a bit dramatic, it’s because it literally is.

Much of this story is from John Bishop’s show, Musical Comedy Murders of 1940, a show that premiered in 1987.

It’s a show I did while in high school in 2001.

There’s me encountering the Slasher for the first time.

And here’s me running around the piano from Slasher.

But remember, I said the story was mostly from the show.

Everything except for this scene, where we gathered together to pray for the lights to come back on.

This was not scripted.

During one performance, we arrived at the point of the show where the Stage Door Slasher was no longer a threat, and the power was supposed to be restored – a critical moment in our wrapping up the show – but the lights did not come back on.

For a few beats, nobody knew quite what to do. The remaining lines in the script required that power be restored. The lines didn’t make sense otherwise.

Fortunately, another actor on stage did exactly as I described. She suggested we join hands and pray for power. And we did… awkwardly.

While this was happening, our director quickly made her way to the lighting booth. It turns out that the batteries in their radio had died, and they didn’t hear the sound cue to bring the lights up.

Reaching the light booth, the director cues the light board operators, and the lights come back on. We were able to continue the show.

That moment, on stage, while we were in the dark, was my first, but definitely not my last, experience having to deviate from the script to keep the show moving.

You’ve heard the expression, “The show must go on.” It really does. An audience doesn’t want to sit in silence when something doesn’t go according to script. Good actors are able to both follow the script AND improvise when the situation calls for it. Anything can happen in live theatre.

To keep things moving, actors have to take and work with what is given to them. They have to be able to put aside the script they’ve rehearsed for weeks or months, and respond to unscripted situations productively… keeping the show moving.

There’s a whole branch of theatre called Improv Comedy. These shows are completely unscripted.

But, how do they do this?

They use a rule, or way of thinking, called “Yes, and…”

This rule calls for the actor to accept what is given to them, whether a word, situation, or something someone else on stage has said or done. This is the “Yes” part of the rule. Then they have to keep the story or show moving by adding onto what has come before. This is the “and” portion of the rule.

This way of thinking allows improv actors to keep things moving. Breaking this rule brings the show to a sudden stop. A sudden stop in any performance is unpleasant for both the actors on stage and their audience.

By supporting all LGBTQIA+ individuals as they define their individual spirituality and intersection with the Church, Affirmation is a “big tent” community.

While we each share the common bond of being LGBTQIA+, or an ally, and being or having been members of the Church, our goals and journeys related to our spirituality and relationship with the Church may be very different.

And sometimes, especially when we gather together for this conference or other events, those differences can cause some friction and discomfort.

It’s kind of funny. Every year that I receive feedback about this conference, either through surveys or just talking to folks, I inevitably hear that the conference was both too pro-Church and too critical of the Church. Same conference. Two different experiences.

We tend to filter or perceive ideas, information, or experiences through the lens of our beliefs. The script that we have been using in our lives.

Because Affirmation welcomes all across the spectrums of sexual orientation, gender identity, belief, and relationship with the Church, it is not surprising that what happens at conferences or other Affirmation activities is perceived differently by different attendees.

You may be attending this conference as an active, believing member of the Church.

You may be attending this conference as someone whose spiritual journey does not include the Church at all.

You may be attending this conference as someone somewhere in between or unsure where your journey will take you.

No matter where you fall on these spectrums, we affirm you and your journey toward authenticity.

And in this space of safety, love, and hope for all, we need to be aware of how we respond to what is shared.

The diversity that Affirmation welcomes and affirms means that we may be exposed to experiences that counter our own beliefs.

As current or former members of the Church, where so much focus is placed on building testimonies of what is “true” and where black-and-white thinking is encouraged, I think we can find it challenging to navigate gray areas.

I don’t want to be accused of calling good evil or evil good, but I think we can, based on our lived experiences in relation to the Church, recognize that there are definitely areas where the truth may be muddied and that there are gray areas we have to navigate.

In those unknowns, we each have made decisions based on what we feel is best for our mental, spiritual, and physical well-being. And we have not all come to the same conclusions.

And that’s okay. But what this means is that while we share so much in common, we may have fiercely different beliefs.

Like when things go off-script on stage, engaging in diverse thoughts, ideas, and beliefs can cause discomfort.

How we respond to that discomfort will make all the difference. We can either choose to reject what is shared with us and defend our beliefs, effectively stopping the conversation, or we can accept what is shared, affirm the person sharing, and consider how what was shared can aid us in our own journey.

Within the spaces of safety, love, and hope that Affirmation seeks to create, we should be able to learn from the diversity of experiences shared. We should not feel the need to defend who we are or what we believe. We’re not here to debate. We’re not here to convert anyone. We’re here to affirm and celebrate our journeys toward authenticity.

I think we can all practice a little more “Yes, and…” thinking; especially in those gray areas of life, receiving what is shared with us and building on it, rather than rejecting what is shared, and bringing our progress to an end.

William Shakespeare wrote, “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women (and I’m going to include those who are nonbinary) merely players.”

Life is mostly improvisational, guided by metaphoric scripts reflecting our experiences and beliefs. In all moments, we can choose how we act.

I hope that we will act well, for our benefit and the benefit of others.

Thank You.

—

The 2024 Affirmation International Conference was held October 11-13, 2024, at the Ogden Eccles Conference Center in Ogden, Utah. Portions of the conference were streamed and recorded in English and Spanish. The conference and recordings were made possible by the financial support of conference attendees, sponsors, donors, and exhibitors.

Affirmation creates worldwide communities of safety, love, and hope and promotes understanding, acceptance, and self-determination of individuals of diverse sexual orientations, gender identities and expressions. We affirm the inherent self-worth of LGBTQIA+ individuals as complete, equal, and valuable persons and support them as they define their individual spirituality and intersection with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Affirmation’s vision is to be a refuge to land, heal, share, and be authentic.

To learn more about Affirmation and how you can support our mission and vision, please visit affirmation.org.