Losing My Soulmate to the Church
April 10, 2019
by Lori McAllister
Submitted to Affirmation following The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saint’s reversal of their November 2015 policy changes that prohibited children of LGBTQ parents from being blessed and baptized and characterized members of the church entering into same-sex marriages as apostates. These changes became known within the LGBTQ Mormon community as the “exclusion policy,” “policy of exclusion,” or “PoX.” The day after the reversal of this policy was announced, Nathan Kitchen, President of Affirmation, invited anyone willing to and share their authentic feelings and all their stories of grief, anger, relief, sadness, happiness, confusion, whatever they may be that surround the rescinding this policy. “As President of Affirmation, I want to be sure Affirmation does not hide you or your stories as we move forward,” wrote Kitchen in his invitation. If you have reactions or a story to share about the reversal of the exclusion policy, please send to [email protected]. You can also read other stories and reactions to the reversal of the exclusion policy.
I am so beyond hurt and mad. I am gay and was raised Mormon. I was happy and in love, possibly with my soulmate, but she decided she has to prove her love and obedience to God and live by the Law of Chastity (and all of the Mormon) rules. In a timespan of only two hours, she went from telling me not to worry and how happy she was and then following an interview with her bishop, she tells me she has to go back to church fully and completely.
Why would the Spirit be that strong, strong enough for her to believe that our relationship was wrong and she needs to be alone and celibate for the rest of her life? I just can’t wrap my head around it or accept that an all-loving God would make us gay then tell us that we have to remain alone our entire lives to prove our love and obedience to him.
I know we all have trials but this one seems unreasonable and just cruel. She was mad at God and didn’t pray for 4 years, while I did. I still prayed every day, and I still do. We were happy when she wasn’t praying, but the day she starts praying again and has an interview with her bishop she is taken from me. Why? It makes me feel that I was just a test or trial from Satan that she failed. Our being together seemed like fate. But how can we get opposing answers to our prayers about our relationship? It just doesn’t make sense. I am truly heartbroken on so many levels. I am not going to remain single and celibate and I can’t be with her.